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hi·ber·nate

[Latin hbernre, hbernt-, to winter, from hbernus, relating to winter. See ghei- in Indo-European Roots.]

intr.v. hi·ber·nat·ed, hi·ber·nat·ing, hi·ber·nates

1. To pass the winter in a dormant or torpid state.

2. To be in an inactive or dormant state or period.

Hibernation

n 1: the torpid or resting state in which some animals pass the winter 2: cessation from or slowing of activity during the winter; especially slowing of metabolism in some animals 3: the act of retiring into inactivity; “he emerged from his hibernation to make his first appearance in several years”

I have many lesbian friends. I have watched many go in and come out of relationships. I have listened as those who have been together longer than 2 years speak of how wise they must be for lasting so long. I am familiar with 6 degrees of separation and realize that in my lesbian world it’s more like 3 degrees. Someone’s ex is always someone’s best friend who used to date her girlfriend. It’s a twisted web we weave, but what choice do we have really.

The aspect of it all, and when I say all I mean lesbian relationships, that has amused me the most is what I like to call “Lesbian Hibernation” For those of you reading this that have no clue as to what I mean let me set the scenario…

You have a single friend, let’s call her “Jenny”, who hangs out with you all the time. For this example you can be coupled or single yourself. She calls every weekend wanting to know where you are going. She calls on the weekdays to complain about how she is alone. Because she is your friend and a good person you put up with all the calls. If you are coupled you will complain to your girlfriend about her, if you are single you will thank god you are not that bad off.

So all the sudden one day Jenny calls you and says that she has met someone and she is totally in love. You will hear things like…

“She is so beautiful!”

“She is from X city and doesn’t know anyone!”

“She listens to me.”

“We have so much in common.”

The list goes on and on really. Note at this point that if Jenny falls victim to Lesbian Hibernation it may be the last time you speak with her. From this point on Jenny will consume herself in the new woman of her dreams. Things that will happen within the next few months are as follows.

Jenny will no longer answer her phone on the first or second ring if at all

If you do get a hold of Jenny and ask her to do something the response you will receive is “Let me talk to X and see what she wants to do and I will call you back.”

If Jenny does call it will be to ask what you pay in rent as her and X are now looking for a place together.

Related to this will be…

where do you bank?

what florist do you use?

My cell phone number is changing because I am going on X’s account.

Depending on the severity of the relationship you may go months without hearing from Jenny. And as soon as you don’t consider her a part of your circle of friends any longer you will get the call. Jenny and X broke up. “Are you guys going to the bar this weekend?” Hence Lesbian Hibernation!