Comments on: Lesbians? http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2004/09/22/lesbians/ Sun, 06 Nov 2011 06:14:01 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: madigan http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2004/09/22/lesbians/comment-page-1/#comment-13 madigan Thu, 23 Sep 2004 00:37:00 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=10#comment-13 well that's the thing... there are lesbians everywhere.... so yeah it's easier to get to know someone your friends already know or get to know people in gay bars cause you have more odds that this person is at least bi if not gay... but I think that even if it was true at first and still is to some extend, that perception of the "incestuous relationships among lesbian or gay circle of friends" is about to change...<br /><br />I mean even straight people do it... how many straight people do you know have ended up dating another person you know at some point? it's the easy way out... just like your boss often hires people you recommend or recommended by other coworkers of yours... to be introduced to someone by a friend, coworker or family member is always easier than just put yourself out there on your own in front of a complete stranger...<br /><br />+ you also get to know people easily when you get to know them through someone else... cause you get to talk to them, but not as a complete stranger potentially interested in them, just as one of their friends' friend... which puts much less pressure on the meeting and leaves a lot of room for friendship instead of pushing for a relationship...<br /><br />just picture yourself in a bar... why do most people go in a bar? granted they all want to have a good time, either with friends or meeting up new people... but a loooooooot of people are going to bars in an attempt to find a significant other... so what do you do if someone comes up to talk to you and you're nowhere near interested? you blow them off right away cause you're scared they might want to date you and that's just not something you want... while if it was outside the bar scene to be pretty much anywhere else, you'd be more open to a potential friendship without fearing to get caught up sending out mixed up signals.<br /><br />not so long ago, and well sadly still a bit true today, people were afraid to come out... which is why gay bars represent such a safe place for gay people... you don't need to come out there, they all assume you're gay unless you say otherwise... while it is now getting easier each day for gay people to have normal lives and activities without always having to be in an officially gay context...<br /><br />I enjoy going out in straight bars... I've been meeting friendly people both straight and gay there... I still feel more at home when I go to the gay part of town and my favorite gay bar, but I've come to a level of confidence in who I am that allows me to enjoy myself wherever I go, without having to be in a gay bar or gay restaurant or gay whatever... and I've become more liberated to do or say whatever I want without fearing to be judged... or maybe I just don't care anymore?!? lol<br /><br />all I know is ever since my coming out and a lil before it I guess, I've went from a stage at which I was scared to say anything that would be "gay-tainted" to a stage where I was litterally using a filter to get rid of all female pronouns to replace them with masculine ones, to a stage where I consciously kicked my butt whenever I realized I was about to censor myself again when I didn't need to, before finally being able to be myself without wondering who's around and who's not, what I can say or do vs what I can't... and that my friends, is what I wish to all of you :)<br /><br />so I guess all I'm saying is I think or hope (maybe both lol) that we will slowly see the end of that "incestuous lesbian circle of dating" because there are a lot of lesbians out there and a lot of different places to meet lesbians for us not to have to keep dating the same people because we fear to just throw ourselves out there and pass on awesome opportunities to meet incredible people :)<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('13','madigan'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('13','madigan','well that\'s the thing... there are lesbians everywhere.... so yeah it\'s easier to get to know someone your friends already know or get to know people in gay bars cause you have more odds that this person is at least bi if not gay... but I think that even if it was true at first and still is to some extend, that perception of the \"incestuous relationships among lesbian or gay circle of friends\" is about to change...<br \/><br \/>I mean even straight people do it... how many straight people do you know have ended up dating another person you know at some point? it\'s the easy way out... just like your boss often hires people you recommend or recommended by other coworkers of yours... to be introduced to someone by a friend, coworker or family member is always easier than just put yourself out there on your own in front of a complete stranger...<br \/><br \/>+ you also get to know people easily when you get to know them through someone else... cause you get to talk to them, but not as a complete stranger potentially interested in them, just as one of their friends\' friend... which puts much less pressure on the meeting and leaves a lot of room for friendship instead of pushing for a relationship...<br \/><br \/>just picture yourself in a bar... why do most people go in a bar? granted they all want to have a good time, either with friends or meeting up new people... but a loooooooot of people are going to bars in an attempt to find a significant other... so what do you do if someone comes up to talk to you and you\'re nowhere near interested? you blow them off right away cause you\'re scared they might want to date you and that\'s just not something you want... while if it was outside the bar scene to be pretty much anywhere else, you\'d be more open to a potential friendship without fearing to get caught up sending out mixed up signals.<br \/><br \/>not so long ago, and well sadly still a bit true today, people were afraid to come out... which is why gay bars represent such a safe place for gay people... you don\'t need to come out there, they all assume you\'re gay unless you say otherwise... while it is now getting easier each day for gay people to have normal lives and activities without always having to be in an officially gay context...<br \/><br \/>I enjoy going out in straight bars... I\'ve been meeting friendly people both straight and gay there... I still feel more at home when I go to the gay part of town and my favorite gay bar, but I\'ve come to a level of confidence in who I am that allows me to enjoy myself wherever I go, without having to be in a gay bar or gay restaurant or gay whatever... and I\'ve become more liberated to do or say whatever I want without fearing to be judged... or maybe I just don\'t care anymore?!? lol<br \/><br \/>all I know is ever since my coming out and a lil before it I guess, I\'ve went from a stage at which I was scared to say anything that would be \"gay-tainted\" to a stage where I was litterally using a filter to get rid of all female pronouns to replace them with masculine ones, to a stage where I consciously kicked my butt whenever I realized I was about to censor myself again when I didn\'t need to, before finally being able to be myself without wondering who\'s around and who\'s not, what I can say or do vs what I can\'t... and that my friends, is what I wish to all of you :)<br \/><br \/>so I guess all I\'m saying is I think or hope (maybe both lol) that we will slowly see the end of that \"incestuous lesbian circle of dating\" because there are a lot of lesbians out there and a lot of different places to meet lesbians for us not to have to keep dating the same people because we fear to just throw ourselves out there and pass on awesome opportunities to meet incredible people :)'); return false;">Quote</a></div> well that’s the thing… there are lesbians everywhere…. so yeah it’s easier to get to know someone your friends already know or get to know people in gay bars cause you have more odds that this person is at least bi if not gay… but I think that even if it was true at first and still is to some extend, that perception of the “incestuous relationships among lesbian or gay circle of friends” is about to change…

I mean even straight people do it… how many straight people do you know have ended up dating another person you know at some point? it’s the easy way out… just like your boss often hires people you recommend or recommended by other coworkers of yours… to be introduced to someone by a friend, coworker or family member is always easier than just put yourself out there on your own in front of a complete stranger…

+ you also get to know people easily when you get to know them through someone else… cause you get to talk to them, but not as a complete stranger potentially interested in them, just as one of their friends’ friend… which puts much less pressure on the meeting and leaves a lot of room for friendship instead of pushing for a relationship…

just picture yourself in a bar… why do most people go in a bar? granted they all want to have a good time, either with friends or meeting up new people… but a loooooooot of people are going to bars in an attempt to find a significant other… so what do you do if someone comes up to talk to you and you’re nowhere near interested? you blow them off right away cause you’re scared they might want to date you and that’s just not something you want… while if it was outside the bar scene to be pretty much anywhere else, you’d be more open to a potential friendship without fearing to get caught up sending out mixed up signals.

not so long ago, and well sadly still a bit true today, people were afraid to come out… which is why gay bars represent such a safe place for gay people… you don’t need to come out there, they all assume you’re gay unless you say otherwise… while it is now getting easier each day for gay people to have normal lives and activities without always having to be in an officially gay context…

I enjoy going out in straight bars… I’ve been meeting friendly people both straight and gay there… I still feel more at home when I go to the gay part of town and my favorite gay bar, but I’ve come to a level of confidence in who I am that allows me to enjoy myself wherever I go, without having to be in a gay bar or gay restaurant or gay whatever… and I’ve become more liberated to do or say whatever I want without fearing to be judged… or maybe I just don’t care anymore?!? lol

all I know is ever since my coming out and a lil before it I guess, I’ve went from a stage at which I was scared to say anything that would be “gay-tainted” to a stage where I was litterally using a filter to get rid of all female pronouns to replace them with masculine ones, to a stage where I consciously kicked my butt whenever I realized I was about to censor myself again when I didn’t need to, before finally being able to be myself without wondering who’s around and who’s not, what I can say or do vs what I can’t… and that my friends, is what I wish to all of you :)

so I guess all I’m saying is I think or hope (maybe both lol) that we will slowly see the end of that “incestuous lesbian circle of dating” because there are a lot of lesbians out there and a lot of different places to meet lesbians for us not to have to keep dating the same people because we fear to just throw ourselves out there and pass on awesome opportunities to meet incredible people :)

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]]> By: GoldStar Dyke http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2004/09/22/lesbians/comment-page-1/#comment-12 GoldStar Dyke Wed, 22 Sep 2004 12:50:00 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=10#comment-12 HI Jo!<br /><br />This is all very true. I always used to imagine how easy it would be if we all had our sexualities tattoed on our foreheads! <br /><br />For many years I had no friends that identified as "lesbian" When I started the organization that I run here in Michigan all of that changed. Now my whole life is filled with lesbians. They are all over I tell ya!!! Back then I didn't know what I was missing nor what I was getting myself into.<br /><br />It is very hard to meet people you are right. Many of my straight friends ask me... "why do you only go to gay bars now? Why do you only hang out with lesbians?" I respond by telling them to imagine themselves in a giant stadium filled to capacity. In this stadium they have to find the man of there dreams. Then I tell them to imagine themselves in a bookstore with only a few people in it and same thing goes...find the man of your dreams. Then I ask them which challange they would rather take.<br /><br />Diversity in life is good, but so is being surrounded by those we have things in common with.<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('12','GoldStar Dyke'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('12','GoldStar Dyke','HI Jo!<br \/><br \/>This is all very true. I always used to imagine how easy it would be if we all had our sexualities tattoed on our foreheads! <br \/><br \/>For many years I had no friends that identified as \"lesbian\" When I started the organization that I run here in Michigan all of that changed. Now my whole life is filled with lesbians. They are all over I tell ya!!! Back then I didn\'t know what I was missing nor what I was getting myself into.<br \/><br \/>It is very hard to meet people you are right. Many of my straight friends ask me... \"why do you only go to gay bars now? Why do you only hang out with lesbians?\" I respond by telling them to imagine themselves in a giant stadium filled to capacity. In this stadium they have to find the man of there dreams. Then I tell them to imagine themselves in a bookstore with only a few people in it and same thing goes...find the man of your dreams. Then I ask them which challange they would rather take.<br \/><br \/>Diversity in life is good, but so is being surrounded by those we have things in common with.'); return false;">Quote</a></div> HI Jo!

This is all very true. I always used to imagine how easy it would be if we all had our sexualities tattoed on our foreheads!

For many years I had no friends that identified as “lesbian” When I started the organization that I run here in Michigan all of that changed. Now my whole life is filled with lesbians. They are all over I tell ya!!! Back then I didn’t know what I was missing nor what I was getting myself into.

It is very hard to meet people you are right. Many of my straight friends ask me… “why do you only go to gay bars now? Why do you only hang out with lesbians?” I respond by telling them to imagine themselves in a giant stadium filled to capacity. In this stadium they have to find the man of there dreams. Then I tell them to imagine themselves in a bookstore with only a few people in it and same thing goes…find the man of your dreams. Then I ask them which challange they would rather take.

Diversity in life is good, but so is being surrounded by those we have things in common with.

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