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I can’t make her love me. Hell, I can’t even make myself love me. But when I met her that didn’t stop me from knowing she was the one. One of my largest fears surrounding commitment is the thought of life getting boring. The symptoms, for me at least, are as follows.

Wake up at 7am

Go to work, perhaps give each other a kiss good-bye

Come home tired and cranky

“What’s on TV tonight honey?”

“The same as what was on last week dear.”

I look at her on the couch halfway to dreamville

All I want to do is talk

I let her sleep on the couch knowing she will yell at me if I wake her

I fall asleep in our bed alone

Wake up at 7am…

When I met her the first thing I said to myself was, “this will never be boring.” I was right, things just didn’t happen the way I had hoped they would. She tells me that now just isn’t the right time. She is right, and she is strong in her convictions. The sad part is that I think if her feelings were stronger for me that the “right time” could be arranged immediately.

When I met her it meant wanting to be a better person. It also meant wanting to get to know her for the rest of my life. There is so much to know and the bits and pieces she allows me keep me close. Hook, line, and sinker I believe some would call it. I have had over a hundred crushes in my lifetime. She makes me want to learn how to love. Because of this I will wait. Patiently, all be it screwing things up on the way. We slept together once. I got to put my arm around her as I fell asleep. For a chance to do that again there is no amount of time that could ever seem too long.