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I was the one who shot her down. I was the one who straight out said “Well sure I get aroused when you touch my leg, but it doesn’t mean I’m attracted to girls.” Yes I, little miss lesbian Ohio, said that to the first girl who was willing to have sex with me. I was such an idiot. But that is beside the point, I have changed in many ways since then.

I believe what I just described was the 2nd time my best friend ever asked me to have sex with her…the third time, well….you know what they say: “Third time’s a charm.” And it was…it really was.

I was 17 and she was just a year younger than me. It started out like any other of our conversations about the past. “Missy do you remember when we were little and we used to pretend we were having sex?” God how could I forget how I felt when she got on top of me, even when I was just ten years old. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to happen, but I always got that tingly feeling between my legs that I never quite understood. “You were always the guy…” She constantly teased me about being the guy ever since it was brought up. I wasn’t the guy….I was just…the more interested one I suppose you could say. Anyway, I had since tried to repress those memories. I tried to convince myself that I was normal. “Do you think you would ever have sex with a girl?” Yes, I want to have sex with girls and only girls! But you can never know that… That was what I was thinking. What I actually said though sort of went something like this: “I can’t ever say I won’t. I’m sure I will someday.” She burrowed into me with her big blue eyes. She wasn’t going to give up that easily… “Why wouldn’t you have sex with one of your friends so you’d be comfortable?” Me: “It would just be weird having sex with a friend because you see the person on a regular basis and you’ll never forget what you did. It complicated things.”

She convinced me to least let her rub my back. She made me take my shirt off. I was really nervous mainly because I’m really self-conscious, and so I felt uncomfortable being topless around her. Her fingertips were so soft against my skin that I couldn’t handle it. I jerked, and giggled, and fidgeted, and begged her to stop. But she wouldn’t, she told me to calm down, and she just kept running those fingertips up and down my back. Eventually I calmed myself and it started feeling so good that I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. My moans just filled the room, and her hands started wandering everywhere….

I won’t tell you what happened when it was my turn to reciprocate…it’s way too embarrassing and I believe it wins the title of “most embarrassing moment of my life.” Yes, it was that bad.

I find it amusing that I turned out to be the big dyke while she became just some curious girl who wouldn’t even admit to being bisexual.

But more on that later…

-Missy