thelesbianlifestyle.com

My first ever same-sex relationship ended about a month ago. One year ago, we celebrated our fifth year anniversary by getting engaged. Six years ago we met at a summer camp for math and science nerds. I came out to her figuring the worst when, in fact, she returned the interest.

We instantly hooked up. We had troubles at first because she comes from a very closed-in family and a very very small town. Things cleared up when she met my family and saw the accepting side of being homosexual (or bi-sexual). Life was great! We moved into a dorm room together (yeah it was against the rules but who cares?!) and hung out all the time. For four and a half years we were not seperable. We loved hanging out…er I loved hanging out with her. I always thought she liked to hang out with me. In fact, she would sometimes get super sad if I had somewhere to go…so I ended up not going to clubs…I ended up not participating in activities like I use to in high school. But it was ok, because she was happy that I was with her.

So! We moved to a new hall in the fall of 2003 to get a larger place. She did not want to be “out” at this new hall since a friend from home lived there as well. Of course, I followed her directions and we lived happily that fall. Winter semester (climax music kicks in), a boy moved in next door…downhill from here. She was never very outgoing so I constantly encouraged her to make new friends, including our new neighbor guy. To make a long story short we broke up at the end of winter semester so that she could broaden her horizens and live without regret…

I went to camp to be a counselor and she did the same at a seperate camp. I had no easy means of communication (no phones/no internet) so i decided to not communicate with anyone including family. My life was camp and I could not let this drama effect me and my job. She sought me out and even came to camp a few times to try and talk to me. She eventually told me she broke up with me because her parents did not like her being a lesbian. Her plan was to go out with this guy so her parents would be happy with her. I said ok, I also said I did not want to talk to her anymore because it all upset me too much. That night she trespassed onto camp and professed her undying love to me and said she did not care what her family thought. My flaw was love and hope that she really meant it…I took her back. We then signed back up to room together in hopes that everything would go back to normal.

Fall semester: As we were moving in, we found out the guy failed the one class that was needed to graduate. This meant he would be living in our dorm again. The first day of class, she broke up with me. the second day of class, she started going out with him. The third day, she wanted to be with me again. For a little over a week she was back and forth like this. I finally said it was over and she needed to move.

She wanted to go out with some friends and the guy. she wanted me to go and be the designated driver. I couldn’t because I couldn’t afford it. but I told her I would wait up for her so she could call and I would pick her up. 3am rolled around and there was no sign of either of them, but everyone else was back already. I got in her car and drove around town to try and find them. The guy thought it would be a good idea to walk her back over two miles to campus while she was puking everywhere. I yelled at him and told him he was irresponsible. He told me I needed to be committed (to this day in her drunkeness, he never knew we had been in a relationship).

When he got her to bed, he came down to speak with me. I told him the entire truth from day one. I told him because I felt there were too many things that made me look like a bad person. I was being called a stalker by people in the building because of that night. I was starting to get harrassed for it as well.

She went to housing the next day to move to a different room. Housing demanded that she give a reason…For fear of telling them we were once in a relationship and had recently broke up, she lied and said I was becoming suicidal and she did not want to deal with it. Mind you, there are many people that know me on campus. There were plenty faculty that could stand by my side and vouch that I was not suicidal. During the next week, I had to jump through hoops to convince the school I was not harmful to anyone. If they had found I was harmful, I could have been kicked out of school. I was furious at her. Her answer to me was that I brought all this upon myself.

Since that last turn of events, I have proceeded to get a new roomate who is awesome and block the other two people on my messengers. She still tries to communicate with me and tell me that everything will go back to normal. I dont even answer her anymore. She does not deserve me. I was patient enough and I once had faith in her. I do not have that faith anymore.

So this is my first and only same-sex relationship in a nutshell. I am happily single for now. Since then, I have joined OUTlook which is a glbt group on campus. I also joined a christian group just for the hell of it…I am trying to stay open minded about all of my options. I am in the math club and I volunteer what time I use to have to devote to a relationship. I only have 12 credits. I gained so many friends from this catastrophe. My family helped out a ton and so did the faculty at school. There are amazing people that we do not even see until they are truly needed. They are everywhere! My new roomate makes me laugh all the time. My friends from camp totally accept me for who I am and I love it all!

It stinks that relationships end badly from time to time. But you gain so much more in the end, and there is always a better relationship just around the corner. Dont go looking for it, let it come to you when it knows you are ready. Take everything in stride. It will all work out in the end.

by Elizabeth