2004
my advice to you
Ha!
You know what amuses me most of all?
Well I sit here listening to what you are saying and it makes me laugh, but I must admit beneath it all I am feeling this gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I laugh because you don’t realize what you are saying, and also because what you are in fact saying sounds so familiar and I stop to think why. I believe a while ago we sat down and had a similar discussion except last time it was about you and I and not about you and her, whoever the other person is this time. In the words of someone I greatly admire “You said you needed time and you had time”. I knew I would have to wait, and I was willing to do so. Shit I was willing to wait the length of two years until lives were sorted and out and then brought back together so two individuals could have then learned to live as a couple.
What went wrong?
My calculations estimate it was between a wrong time, my anxiety and your inability to be strong. So we each went our separate ways, except I am not too sure where I went as it all seems a blur of tears. From that point it looked like we stood back to back taking steps away from one another, but in reality we’ve been standing side to side watch each other’s movements.
Makes me laugh 
Through the drunken stupors and lonely nights each of us has been sitting thinking about one another and wondering if they too were thinking about us 
Its a bit like a rebound chick who you are fucking but in reality you are just pounding the frustration and hate you have for your ex. Can’t you see that hate is so close to love and all you want to do is fuck her until it hurts because you hate what she’s done to you?
I am sorry I don’t mean to analyze your past relationships, but you come to me as a friend and I am simply telling you what I see and what you’ve disclosed to me.
How many times have we fallen in and out of love, wanting one thing and getting fucked around because the other can’t give or doesn’t want what we hoped for? Yet each of us is guilty of doing the same to others because of the hurt we felt from the one who let us down yet again. I’ve seen the lies ex’s tell one another, “I am over you…I don’t love her anymore…” and then the excuses to cover the fact that they are not over their ex yet. We’ve been there, even I have jumped into a relationship with feelings still remaining for the last love. Its not until we’ve somewhat healed a little, gotten over the hurt and bitchiness that we are then able be truthful with ourselves. Sometimes the truth hurts, like realizing that you still love her and do in fact want her back and would be willing to sort through the difficulties, which you now realize all couples go through. I don’t think I am aware of one relationship that doesn’t go through a roller coaster, and some of them are real scary and need hard work. But then what wouldn’t someone do for love?
I am telling you this because I care, and because I know what you are feeling and know that beneath it all your heart still jumps a beat when you think about her.
Why are we so stupid as to throw love away so easily, and why do we allow others and ourselves to be talk out of the happiest moments in our lives…even when they are short lived?
