thelesbianlifestyle.com

I have a serious penchant for falling in love with women that I can never have. So far it’s been a wonderfully romantic existence full of hopeless crushes with some real love sprinkled in between. I am very honest with myself, it’s just that my heart doesn’t like to listen. It continues to whisper to me even when my mind screams the truth. How many times can someone be told that they are loved, just not in that way. If I were strong enough to keep track I’m sure I would have reached some sort of milestone by now.

If you’ve gotten this far in the post you may think that I’m miserably depressed. The funny thing about it is that I’m not. I have been loved in the past so I know it to be possible. And I am thankful for my heart. Thankful that it doesn’t let me give up even as age and time creep up on me. I’m too good at loving to not be given a chance to do it with someone for a lifetime. I have too much love in me to give up now.

If you let it, life and love can kill you. All the worries, the bills, and the loneliness are more than enough to make someone want to give up. For some reason I find the strength in seeing her smile when I close my eyes. Knowing that she is out there somewhere waiting for me to find her. It’s really weird for me to be so confident in the fact that I will find love. In many, if not most aspects in my life, I am not confident at all. I’m not really even all that into the hocus pocus of “knowing” that she is out there. But I do.

It really is all about living in the moment. I need to rediscover that now more than ever. I feel like I have been trapped in some horrible emotional black hole for the longest time now. If I found love while still in that frame of mind I don’t think that I would even see it. For me today marks change. It may start small, but it is the beginning of finding myself and the woman who will be my best friend for the rest of my life.