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The last thing I remember you saying was that you didn’t want to be my drug. I suppose I never should have admitted to you that that is the effect some women have on me. In the same breath I should have told you that you are not “some women.” When we spoke daily I should have affirmed my love and desire to someday be with you. I should have promised you the world and not given into my many insecurities. Because the way you touched my heart is something unrivaled. The way your words invaded my soul is something I miss so much now while attempting to live life without you in it.

I’ve always envied those that could fade in and out of someone’s life. The power and strength it must take is admirable. Of course there is another avenue that I dare not consider. The fact that it is easy to leave when you care less than you once did about someone. I can’t blame you. If this is in fact the reason you left. Our heart’s passion is not something that can be tamed. Nor is the lack there of something that can be created. So with each day that you aren’t there I hope that your lack of presence is your way of helping me become stronger.

I wonder what would happen if I fought for you. It would be the true test of the reason behind your disappearance. What if I told you that I know that we are meant for one another. That I know that the odds may always be against us, but that I am willing to battle anything to hold you in my arms at night. That I would beat every single odd just to spend forever with the one person I am convinced knows how to love me. You tell me you are still there for me and yet you give me no more than a few words. You know I need paragraphs, you know I need vintage novels that are covered with the dust of years. Can’t you see that I am screaming inside while attempting to live some dreamless version of life without you in it.

My muse. Have you found another? Someone whose words do to you what mine once did. Is there another soul that fits yours better than mine? You must know that my concern is for your happiness. You must know that like you know the sky is best when viewed lit by the moon. Even this writer cannot find the words to express to you my lack of life since you have faded away. With you you took my passion, my ability to wish, and my words. You said you didn’t want to be my drug, but life without you is not worth living sober.