thelesbianlifestyle.com

I always had crushes when I was little…but I had crushed on boys and girls. I realized in high school that I was bisexual. I found out that two of my friends were too. I came out to one of them and had minor sexual encounters once with them both. But I felt I had no problems because all my relationships were with males. I didn’t have a problem then. I flirted a little with another best friend but it wasn’t until I left home and transferred colleges did I really acknowledge my sexuality and how different I felt I was. My last relationship with a man ended the same year I moved and began school at my new college. I began to get involved in the Gay Straight Alliance and came out to my first group of people. I felt more free; however, little did I know that “B” wasn’t as welcome as the LG part of LGBT. Nonetheless, the crush began. Since I knew I wouldn’t ever get the chance I turned my affections toward an old friend of mine. She was a lesbian in every sense of the word. With her I had my first real experience with a woman. I was so nervous and so thrilled I was involuntarily shaking most of the time. I was 22. We dated about a month, but I found I couldn’t love her. I knew; however, that it wasn’t because she was a woman. I knew I could love a woman as much as I have loved men. I got the chance to love a couple months later. My former crush and I began dating. Sometimes you are just drawn to people…and I was drawn to something in her. Something about her. I truly fell in love for the first time with a woman and I have always been monogamous. Though our friends in the GSA refer to me affectionately as a “lezzie” because I am in a relationship with a woman; I know that I am still the same bisexual I have always been. I have spent a little over a year with this woman. I can’t deny that there is an attraction that remains for each sex but there is a stronger attraction to women now that I have experienced being in a relationship with a woman; however, I can appreciate the differences and celebrate the love I’ve held with both sexes.

Some people can’t understand that or fear me. I have been alienated by the Straight world and the Gay world. I have been stereotyped. I have hidden my orientation in fear from straight men to lesbians. I am afraid of judgement and exile. I am afraid to post this because I wanted a place to write…and I am not 100% a lesbian. Does that make me less of a person? Do I belong less? Does what I write mean less to any of you? Will I be cast out of a place I love?

My love holds no boundaries. My heart belongs to the one I give it to and that is my choice regardless of what anyone else thinks. Not everything in the world is as black and white as people want to believe. Not everyone can be judged by a label. I am proof.