2005
The Girls I Like (Sharing Crushes With Those Who Might Understand)
So. Being in college allows for a lot of girl-crushes. Right now I have two. It is funny that I can actually explain the concept of a girl-crush to my contemporaries without coming out of the closet. Perhaps all girls (regardless of ultimate sexuality) occasionally get crushes. A funny combination of Wanting Her, Wanting To Be Her, and Wanting To Impress Her. A tricky line to walk when one lusts after the same sex.
First, there is my Art History TA. Oh. Lord. She’s a grad student, specializes in contemporary photography. Her hair is super short. Before she just had it going out in all directions. Then, last class, she had a FAUX-HAWK. I nearly fainted. Her hair still has hints of blue and black dye in it, growing out in crazy streaks. She wears blue eyeshadow in the corners of her eyes. And wears school girl skirts. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! Little argyle socks and mary-jane shoes and school girl skirts. Ohhhh god and the sweaters. Teeny little soft sweaters. She’s so fairy-sized, and absolutely covered in freckles. Every class I walk by her, smile a little and say “…hi” and she usually doesn’t see me. I tried sitting close to her for a while, but it just made me too nervous. So I sit far behind her and can admire from afar. The girl that sits next to me laughs because every day I say “OH MY GOD. Our TA iS SO FREAKING CUTE!”. She understands the girl crushes. You know, she is a cute, smart, extremely well dressed, older, fascinating grad student. It scares me that she grades all of the things I turn in. Being around her inspires an odd mixture of terror and arousal.
Then, there is my art teacher. This is a general “wow I admire her so much” kind of crush coupled with the fact that she has chocolate milk colored skin, curly hair, and various interesting piercings. She also has a tattoo of a match on the brink of being lit centered on the underside of her wrist. She has a throaty wonderful voice and laughs all the time. I often come into the class cranky and tired from the walk there, but all she has to do is look at my work and give me a smile… I’m putty in her thin artistic hands. She has also talked to me extensively about minimalism, something I’ve always disliked but suddenly find myself appreciating. I blame her perfect teeth and the jewels she puts in her many piercings. She talked about how all the California Light and Space movement artists are surfers and total stoners. Then she tossed her head and laughed, for no reason. After class she tells me to be safe, knowing I have a long walk home in the dark. I want to get high with her and make out for hours. I don’t care that shes both straight and married.
If either one of them expressed interest in me, I wouldn’t know what to do. But that is the point of a crush for me. Just to admire the other person, strive for them to like you, strive to be like them. Say a few embarrassing things around them and be through with it by the end of the semester.. turned off by the stupid details that make them real people, not just crushes.
by katrina
