2005
If I could change one thing…
….it would be my weight.
I’m uncomfortable being this big. I am nearly 5’8″ tall and weigh somewhere around 190 lbs. give or take. I am so uncomfortable in my own skin. I’m always looking for ways to hide myself. Given my height, I guess people don’t think I weigh this much, but I know I weigh this much.
I’m the one who goes to put on my “fat clothes” and even they don’t fit.
I’m DREADING the quickly approaching summer because I have to spend another several months wearing big t-shirts and big shorts and constantly pulling my shirt out of the rolls in my stomach.
The problem is, I can’t stick to a frickin’ diet.
I tell myself I will — I do ok for a week or two then BLAM! I’m eating like it’s going out of style. I’ve even considered anorexia…. seriously considered anorexia. I’ve visited tons and tons and tons of bulimia and anorexia websites looking for tips on how to fight hunger and stop eating altogether.
But who’m I kidding? I can’t even eat less for a regular diet, how the hell am I gonna stop eating altogether?
It doesn’t help that I head straight for food whenever I’m stressed/bored/anxious/horny/sad/angry, etc. which is just about every minute of every day.
So what then? How do I get outta this stupid stupid cycle? I don’t know. I can’t wrap my mind around it. I just know that clearly I’m not woman enough to handle this one stupid problem.
Bully for me.
