2005
Tis the season for new writers.
This appears as though is it the season for new writers to speak their voices on this blog. For quiet some time I had lurked this blog, never really seeing where my voice would come in. I noticed the influx of new people and decided this is as good of a time as any to get my foot in the door here. I always read the back of a book and the little inside clip about the author before I get to the good stuff, I have a need to know about the person before I have any interest in what they have to say.
My name is Megg, I am 19 years old. I grew up in a very small town in Arkansas, this town hosts the national KKK headquarters. We moved to another small town, not any more liberal than the last. Sparing you the montonous details of my childhood. I started college as early as I possibly could because I knew that the state of Arkansas had nothing and no one to offer me. I started college at the age of 16. I went to the most liberal college with in the confines of Arkansas that I could find. Escaping the borders of that state would prove very difficult.
The confines of college, same sex dorms, and the discovery of possiblity. I was your typical overly ambitious lesbian. I was going through my feminist evolvement. Am I a woman or a womyn? And what the hell does it really mean? I did what any fresh out of the closet lesbian with far too much freedom for her age does, I became president of the college GSA. That wasnt saying much, keep in mind this takes place in Arkansas. I became involved with all the liberal organizations on campus, ULF (united leftist front) and young democrats. Yeah thats all of them.
I was threatened with expulsion. For wearing a ” fuck war” button. My mathmatics teacher was the only person who had a problem with it. She clamied that she did not care for it because of the word “fuck.” But I saw past that, there were girls coming in there with those t-shirts that have bitch or cunt or whatever new word plastered across their chest. She never mentioned those girls or those words. But my fuck war button really pushed her buttons. She asked me not to wear it anymore or cover it up when I come into her class. I thought to my self, I am paying you, to teach me trigonometry and all that you can focus on is my wearing a button on my lapel that says fuck war. She took this to the dean when I refused to quit wearing it. Every few weeks our teachers would compile a little list of things we could be doing better and sent them to our acadmeic advisors. I got a phone call from my advisor one day, we had a pretty good relationship it was never discussed but it was mutally understood we were both gay. I was worried when she phoned me, I never went to her office for anything other than making my schedule each semester.
On her desk was a sheet of paper, from my math teacher it stated under the comments section that “Megg is going to fail this course because she is involved in too many gay and lesbian activities.” I cried. I had a 92% in that class. When it came time for the meeting with the dean over the issue, I brought up the statment against me that she made and the dean and her both sided that it was no different than them saying “fraternity activities or sorority activities” I cried more. I never returned to class, and I did fail that course. I knew from that day forward I would never step a foot back onto the grounds of that campus. I had to get the hell out of there, out of that miserable state.
So I thought to my self, where do I want to go, what is most important to me right now. School, freedom, equality, mostly equality. So I applied to schools in the northeast, jokinly even harvard and MIT, and all of the seven sisters colleges. My first letter back was from Radcliffe, a seven sisters college, which is an all womens college with focus upon womens studies. It is located in cambridge mass, right outside of Boston. It was first just an annex of harvard but broke off and became its own in the late 1800’s. It was a small letter I put it on my desk telling my self ill shred it when I get back from dinner. I opened it after I got back. “Mrs. Brown, we are proud to inform you…….” I didnt have to read any further. That night I packed my bags, even though school didnt even start for 3 more months. I told my parents they were supportive but sad. I had not informed them of my run in with the math teacher. Very few people in my life know of it, I am ashamed I didnt stand up for my self more than I did. To this day I regret not calling the ACLU that second.
I found a job to my surprise with HRC that summer. I started school, and finally felt what it was like to be surrounded with open minds. I was finally at a college that understood that to have a full learning enviroment, that you cant have professors that try to confine your mind. I am still in Boston. Still discovering my self. I find a new way to get into the lesbian bars each weekend. I have a rather humerous story about getting caught once and having to take the last train home from the chinatown stop. It was very scary. I got back to the stop nearest my house and realized no way am I walking home, the last bus has already ran, what the hell am I going to do. Thank God for roommates. I live with 2 well now I should say 4 other lesbians, they have sort of live in girlfriends. Contrary to popular belief living with that many lesbians is not always fun. This morning I woke up to my roommates dog chewing her harness, dildo still attached in our living room.
