2006
Out With The Kids
It is an interesting situation….being out to your kids. I do not know how it feels to have adult children and breaking the news to them. All I know is what I’ve been through. I know within my heart and soul that had I known or understood I was a lesbian before my daughter entered my life…she wouldn’t have been there at all. My daughter, Brittany, was 4 when I discovered my true self. How to explain to a 4 year old my deepest thoughts on my sexuality was foreign to me. What words can I use so she will understand? How could I expect her to when it took me 28 years? Oh what a year 1993 was…I was in college, discovered I was in love and a lesbian. I was just discovering also that my daughter had some problems, behaviorally….but she had this innocense that was pure. I was always a single parent(more on that later) so I was all there was. I told her this: “There is someone I care about and love, she is a woman. (She then guessed who it was of course!) Some people think it’s wrong, but I want to tell you that it isn’t. Loving and caring about someone is never a wrong thing.” She accepted that, and I’ve always been grateful that she was so young when I discovered myself. I also decided to teach her the correct words to use…gay, lesbian, etc. This later worked against me….
When Brittany was 5, I was taking her to the bathroom in a restaurant, where the sign on the door said “Ladies”. As we opened the door, she turns to me and says (loudly, of course), “Mommy, does that say LESBIAN?” My jaw dropped to the floor just as my eyes focused on the elderly woman washing her hands at the sink. The woman forced a smile to me as I explained, “No, that’s a different word.”
Things progressed as she became older. I think Brittany did have some issues with my sexuality, though she never said so. But then for most of her childhood, I was not involved in a relationship. When her behaviors were really at their peak, I chose to be alone. But in the past few years, she has been quite accepting. When she met my current girlfriend, she says, “Well mom, you finally found yourself a younger woman!”
Being out with your kids is somehow necessary if you are going to be true to yourself…and they know more than we give them credit for sometimes. I feel blessed that things happened the way they did.
