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Meet Jane. I have known her since I was 12 years old when I met her daughter in junior high school, the 7th grade. We were best friends, always from then on into adulthood, and Jane was the mother I wished I’d had. The whole family, 5 kids altogether, embraced me and included me on outings, family meals and sometimes vacations. I believe it was in 1992 when Jane’s husband died suddenly of a heart attack. I had just arrived with my newborn daughter for a visit, when we got word that he’d collapsed at a college football game. It was a year or so later when I came out to my friend and later, Jane. Jane told me “I know all about that as I’ve had feelings for women since college.” What? How strange it was to me to find yet another reason to adore this woman. We had so much in common…we were both aspiring writers…she was an English teacher.

A short time later, Jane sold the house and moved to a smaller apartment. She offered her other bedroom to me, and my daughter…which was an awesome feat because she was having behavioral problems at the time. I have such wonderful memories of Jane and I having several glasses of wine pouring over one of her latest short stories, just laughing and having a good old time. I’d met this crazy woman online who lived a few hours away. No, really, she turned out to be crazy! (Blog entry, Spiderwoman) Anyway, this woman had a thought that she knew someone for Jane and gave me her name and address to pass on to Jane. Jane and the woman, Mary, corresponded and got to know each other. Though Mary was involved with someone, they remained close friends. Mary, in turn, knew someone for Jane(aren’t lesbians funny?) and sent her the email address. That woman, Sophie and Jane corresponded and met and are still together today, living in a beautiful house on a beautiful lake.

When Jane and Sophie moved to the beautiful place, Mary was ready for a change and bought a house just down the street from them, because she’d loved it so. Mary had found love with Emma, but they lived apart for awhile. Mary had barely moved into her new home before she found out she had cancer. Emma began staying at Mary’s home to help care for her as her disease progressed. Emma became everything to Mary, hoping against all odds, some miracle could happen. But in the end, it did not. Mary passed away leaving Emma to deal with life without her.

Enter Mary’s children. Suddenly the air changed…it was dark and heavy with a cloud of disapproval and disgust and vengeance. Mary’s daughter’s were going to sell the house and treated Emma like she didn’t matter…even though they appeared to be nice and sweet during the time their mother was alive. But no more. Emma was not even allowed to have her own things out of the house. Mary’s daughters assumed that Emma could not be trusted and would take something that didn’t belong to her, or case in point, something they wanted in order to sell.

I have always been sad that I had never met Mary, because I know I would have adored her and because I did meet Emma after Mary’s death and just adored her. Still do. I met Emma on a visit in 2004, when I drove from Wyoming to visit Jane and Sophie. All of this madness was just happening. Emma had asked Jane and Sophie if they would be able to talk to Mary’s exhusband to see about getting her things out of the house. She wrote down the things that she wanted and was prepared after that to wash her hands of the entire ordeal. So Jane and Sophie, one evening, happened to see Mary’s Exhusband at the house and asked if they could get a few of Emma’s things. He was very nice and agreed. No problem.

Wrong.

That evening, one of Mary’s daughters showed up on Jane and Sophie’s doorstep to retrieve the items they’d gotten that day. It was so maddening to watch this go on. And more maddening as I write of it. I know it happens all the time. It’s that silent disapproval that turns into something unimagineable. So many of us have children from a previous life and their approval is much like that of coming out to our parents. I hope someday things are different.

The house finally sold for much less than the daughters were hoping for….which we all find amusing. It was such a beautiful house…how I wanted it for myself!

Discovering your sexuality at a much later age is in many ways the same…but there are children to deal with and not parents. I look forward to growing older with the girl, even if we’ve only been together a year and a half. I can only hope I raised my daughter better than that. It’s all about love and being happy. Life is too too short, other wise.