2006
saying goodbye
Friday morning I found out that my ex had killed herself. My beautiful, precious star was gone.
We broke up two years ago after having been lovers for two years and best friends for years before that. I’ve known her most of my life. She knew me before I knew myself. She was my first lesbian crush. The day she came out, I spent four hours running until I could quiet the rush of feelings that engulfed me. When we finally realized we were meant for each other, it was like truly belonging somewhere. Nothing mattered anymore: I had found home. When our sexual relationship failed, we remained on good terms. She had a new girlfriend, but somethings never really change. Affection. Respect. Understanding. A future unfolding before us that we could share in one way or another.
People use the cliche of “love never dies” so much in our world. The truth is that tonight, sitting in the absence of her, knowing that’s gone, I realize that for all of the cliche, it really is true: I can feel her love as acutely today as I did on that first day. It sounds so stupid, but I understand exactly how Alice felt on The L Word
I can’t believe she’s gone. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her.
Name: Shelly
Pen Name: Nickie
Age: 26
Location: Kansas City
Personal Blog: In This Voice
