thelesbianlifestyle.com

I wanted to write about June’s topic, internet relationships, because… well… apparently I’m really good at them. I think I’m really good at real-life relationships too, but I’ll admit that I do like the aspect of getting to know someone from the inside out. But that’s neither here nor there. It’s July, which means new topics!

Prompted by TLL’s creator, I decided to take a shot at writing about my life and lifestyle. I’m warning y’all now that there’ll probably be a couple times throughout this entry you’ll find yourselves scratching your heads and wondering what the hell my tangents have to do with the topic at hand. Or you’ll be sighing, wondering when it’ll be over. But my hope is that you’ll find some similarities, if any, to your own stories. After all, that’s TLL’s purpose, right?

So. I’m sitting here trying to think of something of substance to write, and that leads me to the name and goal of this blog. The Lesbian Lifestyle. Why was it created and why am I an author here? My guess would be it was created to bridge the gap between the Lesbian community and those who aren’t a part of it, fear it, don’t understand it, or simply have never been exposed to it. I get questions about the LGBT community, and why there needs to be one. Why there needs to be a Gay Pride Month. The obvious answer (well, obvious to me, anyway), is that as a community, we’ve been ashamed of, discriminated against, hidden in the dark corners of society, and in some cases, simply ignored. It’s important to have this community because it’s important to have a voice. It’s important not to be seen as sex offenders, as wrong-doers (yes. Thank you, George Dubya), as sinners.

For me, though, on top of all the above, it’s important to surround yourself with people who embrace you and understand you. Not just accept or tolerate you. I can talk to my mom all day long about hot women, and she can wish me good luck with my next girlfriend, but she can’t give me advice on lesbian relationships, because they are simply too different. I need people who just know.

I’ve always loved the phrase, “Embrace Diversity”. It’s OK to have groups. It’s OK to be proud of your heritage. It’s OK to be different. I love that my best friend is Hungarian and Jewish. She teaches me about Jewish traditions and Hungarian food. Guess what I’m trying to say is that I love being different from her, because if we were the same, I’d have nothing to learn. It’s not OK to fear differences, though. And fear is only lack of understanding. And that’s why I love the internet and websites like this one, that enlightens people on those differences.

So why am I an author here? Well the obvious answer is that I’m lesbian. But that’s not why I signed up. I like to write. Not great at it, but I love blogging because it gives me an outlet. And when people I know and love read what I write, it makes me feel understood. And a big obstacle in my life has always been my constantly being misunderstood. And because I feel my journey into acceptance of being “lesbian” is a unique one.

My very earliest romantic memories are all about women. Well. Girls. I’ve known, probably since before I was 5 and wanted to kiss my best girl friend, that girls were my weakness. But growing up, I used the label “bisexual”. (And by the way… I’m one of the few people who do like labels. They don’t mean much to me, but my mind being as cluttered and disastrous as it is, I like having some truth that I can use as step one whenever I lose myself). I had crushes on boys growing up. I had boyfriends too. I never fell in love with any of them, but I made myself believe I did. I still appreciate good-looking men. But women are for me.

I saw some sign one day that said, “I’m not gay, but my girlfriend is,” and I wanted to get it, but I said to myself out loud, “no, I can’t! Then everyone will know I’m gay!” And that’s when I came out to myself. Everything made sense. I wasn’t sure why, and I’m still not, but when I said it, for some reason, it felt like the most honest thing I’ve ever said or heard in my life. (I think I wrote all about it in another entry here, so I’ll spare the rest of the details).

Since then, I’ve really been trying to get in touch with the community. Considering LGBT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender, I could’ve been involved when I thought I was bisexual, but the truth is, bisexuality is a lot more accepted in society, especially when you’re in your early 20’s, and people just want to see you kiss another woman. I never felt part of any community. Now I’m realizing I need people to go out with… people to talk about the woman of my dreams with… people who’ve been there, done that, and can identify on a much more honest, empathetic level. It’s only been a year since I “came out”, but because I’ve had so much support from this community, I’ve grown so much. SO much. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that there are resources, communities, websites and thousands of blogs by women who are, or who have been, in my situation that allow me to look in on a deeper level and be reminded that happiness can be achieved when you’re given freedom to be yourself.

My lifestyle? I travel. I wander. A lot. I used to be stable (financially, mentally… but don’t talk to me about emotionally), but over the past year, I’ve been to Northern California, Italy, England, and New York (twice) figuring things out and avoiding stability. I stopped being a dumb ass… stopped wishing I could believe in my family’s Christian faith… and got back to Buddhism (Nichiren Buddhism) which has advanced my life in more ways than I could explain. I live like my life’s gonna end tomorrow, I love with all my heart, I sing out loud, I do small things for other people, and when someone offers to do something for me, I accept. I’m labeled a Buddhist, an Italian, a Creole, a Lesbian, a youth, a dancer, and an absolute fucking nut case, in some cases. My lifestyle’s a lot different than anyone else’s I know. There’s not one lesbian lifestyle. If there is, I’d say it’s just knowing and loving who we are, and spreading that knowledge and love to others. And I’m pretty proud of being a part of that.