thelesbianlifestyle.com

First off, allow me to introduce myself. I am Dani, but you can call me Loverbunny, or just plain bunny. It’s a pet name my ex-girlfriend of 7 years gave me. I even have a tattoo of a bunny on my ankle. I have just turned 22 and am extremely depressed about it (because nothing good happens at 22, you just get older). My girlfriend is 19 (turning 20 next month) and we’ve been together almost a month. I absolutely adore her. I am out of the closet in every way, but she isn’t. I’m not pushing her out though, I wasn’t out at 19. It’s hard to come out when you live in a small town in the south. She’s a math major and I am a psychology major. We’re opposites, but we have so much in common. She’s got OCD and I have Bipolar 1. We complement each other. And, the best thing about this new relationship is: we’re like f’ing rabbits. I love it.

I was an army brat from 1997-2001. We moved from GA to CO in 97, then to TX in 99, then to HI in 2000. The exboyfriend is in CO.

And now for the drama…

A boy I dated when I was in 8th grade has recently been sending me messages about how I should turn to Jesus and repent my sins because if I don’t, I’m going to hell. We’ll call him Poncho. His first message was one asking me to go to his Myspace page and read his “About Me” section. He wanted to know if it was too blunt and he said that I have always told him the truth. So, in a nutshell, his profile says that we (meaning everyone in the world) have violated the 10 Commandments and we’re all going to hell if we don’t repent our sins and accept Jesus into our hearts as our personal Savior. Coming from a boy who used to steal baseball hats from Sears and JC Penny and various other things, treated girls like objects, and strung me along like a ragdoll…I thought it was a little much. So I told him, “Well…it’s a little much for me, being a lesbian and all. I believe that God hates the sin and not the sinner. I know in my heart that Jesus and God still love me, all of me. And I truly believe that I will go to heaven when I die.”

His reply was, “Umm…I’m not even concerned about you being a lesbian! I’m just pointing out that we’ve all seriously blown it (broke the 10 Commandments) and judgement day will suck for all of those who have never repented and turned to God! I wish you lived closer I’d take you out to eat It’s crazy growing up, seems like just yesterday we were hanging out eating your moms chicken or whatever!” And the last sentence is so absurd. It had nothing to do with what we were talking about. I don’t want him to take me out to eat. And it feels like it’s been FOREVER since he was sitting in my kitchen eating my mom’s fried chicken. So I rolled my eyes and sent him another message.

I wrote, “I see what you’re saying. So, in your opinion, non-christians are all going to hell? I don’t believe that. I believe everyone in the world has a chance to go to heaven, no matter what their belief system is. Heaven is different for everyone.” I grew up in the Bible Belt. I was raised in a church that preached fire and brimstone. I have heard too many “anti gay” sermons to count. I don’t need some used-to-be misfit telling me what will happen if I don’t repent my sins. I struggled with my religious beliefs for a long time and I have just recently started feeling secure with what I believe.

After that message, his replies turned into mini sermons. “Not my opinion, it’s what the Bible says! John 14:6 “I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”! We ALL deserve hell and you’re right we all have a chance to go to Heaven! But to those who refuse to repent and turn to God, they stand condemned already! (John 3:16-18) Jesus didn’t die because He had nothing better to do, He took the punishment we deserve, but only for those who will humble themselves and turn to Him! Does that make sense?
I don’t want to offend you, but I can’t hold my tongue knowing what I do! Especially since I care about you, if you love someone you’ll tell them the truth! I told you what you need to know, so now you have a decision, either reject it or embrace Him! But don’t say “that is good for you” because the Bible doesn’t leave you that option! Thanks for taking the time to listen…I mean read.” This message pissed me off tremendously. How dare he judge me. He without sin cast the first stone and Judge not lest ye be judged and all that bullshit, right?

So I replied, “As an educated person who has studied the Bible extensively, as well as the Koran and the Torah, I have a hard time believing a book that was written by men who believed in the oppression of women almost 2000 years ago. The Bible is a bunch of stories which were passed down generation to generation by word of mouth. You know as well as I do that in the retelling of events, whether they be truth or fiction, they story gets distorted and exaggerated. Now, I am not saying that I don’t believe in God ad Jesus. I do. I just have a hard time believing that the Bible which was written by fallible human beings, and complied and controlled by the corrupt Catholic church, is 100% true.

So you can think what you want and believe what you want. But I am secure in my belief that I am going to Heaven. I am right with God and Jesus and I have a personal relationship with them. I don’t have to go to church every Sunday and repent my sins and shove my beliefs down people’s throats to know that.” After all that message sending, I had a very funny conversation with a friend from Colorado who also dated Poncho. I’ll spare you the long AIM exchange and just give you the good bits (To read it in it’s entirety, go to my other blog, www.xanga.com/sheismistaken. Poncho had been sending her the same kinds of messages (she is Bi). She said it’s pissing her off. We had a great time talking about him. She doesn’t believe that once you’ve been saved all your past sins are erased. She isn’t very religious. I don’t really believe it either. So to be a total bitch, I edited the AIM conversation and posted it as a MySpace bulletin. In it, the names were changed to protect the innocent. Poncho saw it. HAH!

His reply: “Okay, so we hung out when I was in 7th grade, and we were all pretty close friends. We moved away and kind of lost touch! Noelle, I saw you once after my 18th birthday. Neither one of you were there for 10 years of “BS”, youve simply known me for 10 years! So Im having trouble understanding ALL the stuff I did back in the day! Dani, I honestly dont remember hanging up on you and it doesnt make sense cuz I used to think girls on girls was kind of hot! But if I did, then Im sorry! Im amazed at how mean the both of you have been towards me while claiming to be my friend! Jesus says to love one another as I have loved you, this is how the world will know you are my followers! My intention was not to upset anyone, just the opposite! I care for the both of you and thats why I shared the Gospel! Please scroll down;)

I never once said I was better than you! You assumed that because I used Gods Holy law to point out your sins and need of a Savior! If you had taken the time to get to know me, youd know that I feel terrible for the way Ive acted and treated God! And thats why Im so grateful and eager to share the good news with my friends so that theyll get saved to! Christ didnt die for nothing, He wasnt bored, He died for our sins, but Hell only grant forgiveness to those who decide to give their life over to Him! That doesnt mean you wont stumble, but it does mean youll get to go to Heaven! The Bible says that we are enemies of God, in our mind through wicked works and God, the just judge of all the world will pour out all His anger and wrath on those who refuse to repent Thats either true or its false! Please dont form your own opinion of who you think God is or how He Judges! Hes given us His word (the Bible) and Hes big enough to keep it from being changed!” Well, by the time I got that message, I was tired of him preaching to me.

I replied, “Look..the only thing that pissed me off is the fact that you seem to be shoving it down my throat. You said I have a choice, I can either accept Jesus into my heart or deny him. It isn’t up to you to give me that choice. I don’t like being preached to. I’ve struggled with my own religious beliefs for far too long. I don’t need someone questioning that, judging me, and telling me that if I don’t repent my sins, I am going to hell.” That reply pissed him off, I think.

He sent me this, “Look at this from my point of view, please! I care for you and I can’t keep silent for several reasons. We’re commanded to, that’s the whole reason the church exists, to seek and save the lost! That’s why Jesus came and died, to seek and save the lost! It’s not my place to “judge” and say wether or not you’re a Christian! But I am commanded to be impartial and “preach the Gospel to all the Nations” as if you weren’t! And I care about you! How can I say I believe in Heaven and Hell and not say anything! If you were about to drive drunk and I told you what you were doing was wrong, would you seriously be mad at me and say I was judging you! Maybe while you were drunk, yeah! But after you sobered up, you’d be grateful that you had a friend that cared enough about you to do something that may have saved your life!” What he sees as doing his job as a Christian, I see as preaching and shoving his beliefs down my throat. I don’t need him telling me what I need to do to go to Heaven.

So I wrote back (and it’s getting a bit redundant now), “I already told you that I am right with God. So if you mean that I should repent and stop being a lesbian, it’s not that simple. I didn’t choose it. I was born this way. It’s just like asking you not to be straight. You can’t just up and stop.” I’m waiting for his new reply. It has stopped making me mad; now it makes me laugh-uncontrollably.