2006
"Your Going WHERE? With WHO?"
I was recently bombarded by that quote from my present girlfriend when I mentioned that I was gonna have coffee with an ex of mine… now lets note… my ex’s are ex’s for a reason and i as the human services major seem to have become our local communities substitute for professional pyschiatric help, so all too often my services are called on by an ex.
but my opinion on the ex factor isnt nearly as funny as the situations i get myself into. To me its a no brainer, this was a person that i enjoyed greatly at one time, obviously they have redeeming qualitys or i wouldnt have been attracted to them… and just because we couldnt meld our personalitys for longer than a week to a year doesnt take away the fact that they are a pretty ok person. Perhaps i’m too kind hearted… or perhaps my girlfriend is too paronoid… but i see no reason in erasing the past over something as stupid as a failed relationship… I mean when i look at some of the reasons for breakups i doubt i would end any other friendship over them…
EXAMPLES:
T- slept with someone and didnt tell me… (my friend J does this all the time)
T2- we were both emotional wrecks…. (who isnt some times)
L- she devoloped a crush on my sister…. (so do 99% of the other women i know)
so subsequently… how can i hold these little faults as grounds for expellsion from the free lesbian counseling clinic that i am??? surely i wouldnt banish a friend… so they just got demoted… from girlfriend to friend…
However my girlfriend (my BUTCH counterpart) believes in holding a much more melodramatic ideal…. god forbid the hurt and agony of losing a lover ever be parted with… god forbid anyone ever lets go of the urge to immediately jump into her pants… and subsequently… the ex’s stay banished to the shoe box under the bed…
and who said it was only femmes that were dramatic… LOL
out.
I would like to say that I am a bit like you, except that I insist that I keep her ex’s as friends. Mine, I toss out like dirty rags, but hers need to be my friends. I get the scoop, I keep close proximity, and if we become friends, I ensure guilty, gut wrenching feelings if she was to ever want my girlfriend back. I don’t suggest that everyone try it, but I have learned how to grow my relationship with my girlfriend, by getting info from the ex. I also learn what her downfalls are and how to avoid them, and to understand why she does the things she does.
This is the only girlfriend who I have ever actually done this for. I love her and will continuously work on making this relationship work. She absolutely loves it. She says she has never had any of her exs be friends and it beats the heck out of them always fighting, having jealous fits, and so on.
Actually, she loved it until we started to talk about her performance in the bed. I don’t know why, SHE IS VERY VERY GOOD!!! Her ex and I can vouch for that.