thelesbianlifestyle.com

I respect individuals rights to live their lives as who they are defined by self. I do however remain baffled that within the community there is a need to identify as masculine or feminine. I despise the idea of defining ourselves based on society’s definition of gender. I enjoy and appreciate loving women as a woman. And what is the deal with strap-on’s pink or other color, is that how we define our intimate relationships, with a phallic symbol? Is the vagina a right of passage in being a woman? Bois and / or Lipstick Fems, Live your best lives to the fullest as You not a gender / genital definition.

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many know they like girls when they are young, i know i am a boy when i was young…

I guess I see humans as a spectrum rather than a multiple choice question. People should be allowed to experiment with their limits, to try more than one choice.
In my teen years I was a repressed butch (even in my own mind); as a young adult I began to make choices like no more dresses/heels/make-up EVER but retained a closeted mentality; now that I realize who I am I look back and know that if I had had the option of being a transman I would have jumped at it. That’s what I would have done then, but today I’m glad I didn’t and am comfortable just being a butch woman. I don’t want to jeopardize my health taking hormones at this late date, even though I’m getting more and more sexually active.

Yet for those who want to make that choice more power to them. They know themselves better than anyone else ever will and it is up to them to weigh the risks of their choices. In the lesbian world there is a lot of judgementalism and condescension. I’m kinda glad I missed that as a young person, when it would have hurt the most. I’m sure it makes those who survive it stronger … but don’t we get enough lack of understanding from our families?

Expression is harder for lesbians, I think, because you’ve got to be more conscious and careful of what *exactly* you’re expressing when you put on that white wifebeater and a men’s button-down with oil-stained jeans and an obviously male-ego’d belt buckle (if you live in Texas, anyway). I dress masculine, but I am by far not a butch nor wish to be viewed as such. Still, people assume me a man (both literally and figuratively) and steal from me my feminism that resounds strongly in my mind, actions and heart.

Anyway, I think I veered from the main point. Transexuality is just a step to reaching for the things we think will fulfill us. If it completes one person’s life, I find nothing wrong with it. Just like some people think college is the way to go for life and some disagree. Live and let live.

You said that you understand transmen, and then went on to explain that you don’t understand anything about trasmen. If you that trandgenderism is “a real thing”, and that this real thing isn’t something that you fully understand, and certainly not something that you experience in any way yourself, then perhaps you should be a little more careful about passing judgement on someone else’s experience. It seems that people passing judgement on your gender expression is an experience that you do have, and therefore should be able to relate to someone who is being judged in this way.

Being transgendered is also not my experience. As a pretty girly, bisexual femme, there is nothing about my perceived identity that I would like to change. However, as a believer in the freedom of gender expression towards healthier and happier lives for all people, I firmly believe that each individual should have the right to choose how they would like to be identified, and have some control over how they are perceived as they walk through our society that tends to have (unfairly) strict expectiations for gender expression. If someone feels more comfortable being “read” as male in this world, than they should be provided with the opportunity and support to acheive that level of comfort.

I hope that you will not feel that your identity is in any way threatened by a “rise in the number of transmen”, but rather be happy that our society is providing new options for gender expression, which includes your right to be a boi and love your girly bits.

Each individual should reserve the right to love, express, and CHANGE their preferred gender identity. Therefore, if you love being a boi lesbian who packs on occasion, right on. If this Austrailian Transman likes to identify as male and be read as male by the rest of the world, right on.

Also, because he is a transman, out of respect for his preferred identity, it would be respectful to refer to him using male pronouns.

Wow, I would have thought someone within the LGBT community wouldn’t be so close-minded.

First of all, he’s a TRANSMAN. That means he’s HE, not she. Really.

Second of all, just because you’re happy as butch doesn’t mean you feel right as butch. There’s a difference. Some transfolk are really unhappy and can’t handle it, but some are fine, they’re just also trans. And not all transguys are former lesbians. I’m a former straight woman.

Third, why is it not okay for him to transition medically and identify as trans, but it’s okay for you -not- to do those things? Why can’t we all just be what we are? I don’t see as you have any basis to judge any situation but your own.

And finally, NO ONE transitions medically for marriage rights. Do you know how hard transition is, physically, emotionally, and financially? No one does that for a slip of paper from CA saying you’re a stamped and delivered legal spouse. That’s just dumb.

You see this is why a lot of lesbians FAIL. You don’t even understand the difference between a lesbian and a transsexual. It has nothing to do with being a lesbian, it’s purely about what gender identity you are. Many transmen have lived and suffered under the false title of lesbian because in a lot of ways it’s easier living as a masculine lesbian than coming to terms with what you really are and having to explain to ignorant people like yourself. This is the reason many transman first identify as lesbian only to find living a lie is too difficult and therefore eventually start to transition.

If you don’t understand something, then you should politely ask questions and seek the answers. What you shouldn’t do is dump transmen and lesbians into the same category.

We are not lesbians, you moron.

While I respect your opinion and your comments on trans men, I am also highly offended by your comments. Trans gender is not just some trend. Why would you want to be a part of a trend that makes everyday life so difficult. Whether it be trying to get a job, trying to go to the restroom in a public place without getting beat up by some ignorant piece of shit. The way they live is not something they choose. It’s who they are. Your comments sound as ignorant as a straight person saying your gay by choice. It’s difficult enough being trans without having people with ignorant out looks on the situation. So you should try having a little more respect for the trans community. Maybe you should read a little more about it before you spew anymore stupid comments out of your mouth little girl.

Transmen were largely invisible until recently. Furthermore, there are a lot of transmen who have lived in the lesbian community because that is an easy place to be accepted if one has been labeled female and likes women (Straight transmen).

It isn’t easier to be a transman or a lesbian, and no one turns trans. They find out they are trans. I mean, I could ask you why you can’t just be content to see yourself as a man, rather than pretending you’re just a woman who likes women. But that would be silly, and I know you would have ample reasons to provide me that justify your identity.

“True, I can’t know exactly how she feels…but it seems to me that this came out of the blue. Why can’t she be a butch lesbian who packs on occasion?”

You don’t know how long this person has identified this way, what struggles they have had in figuring themselves out. There is a common problem of transmen who tried to fit the identity of butch lesbian, and who feel badly for ‘taking away from’ the number of strong, masculine women. That need to fulfill a certain role which they don’t identify with pushes them to avoid even thinking of whether they might be trans. It can take a person into their 40s and 60s to figure this stuff out. That doesn’t mean they don’t think about it a lot to themselves, or wonder whether they might be. It may be new to you, but it isn’t new to them. So don’t take things like this as some light lark, some trend. It isn’t.

Furthermore, anyone can be a butch lesbian who likes to pack if that is who they are. But obviously that is not who this person is, and your choosing to disrespect them with the wrong pronoun is baffling. I call fail on that.

I am a gay transman, so no one can tell me that I’m a butch lesbian who isn’t content to fit into butch/femme paradigms anymore. I’m not exactly all that masculine, as far as butchness is concerned. I like men. There is no reason that I should identify this way, and yet I do. So you’ll have to reconcile non-heterosexual transmen into your ideas.

There is another matter I nearly forgot – marriage. “Transgender Rights” is a book about laws involving trans people, and cases where they have been applied. As far as marriage goes, many marriages involving trans individuals have been dissolved where proof of heterocentric sexual relations has occurred. For instance, a transman and a cisgender woman were married, and the marriage turned sour. She wanted to keep the kids to herself, and insisted the state invalidate the marriage because it has a verifiable interest in keeping everything heterosexual. The marriage was not invalidated, however, because the transman was able to prove that he could penetrate during sex. Some other cases involving trans people have resulted in both invalidation of marriage, and the denial of a right to ever marry again. (Since everyone is told to marry someone of the opposite sex and trans people fall in the middle, it is easier to say they can’t marry than to accomodate.)

I don’t know how this matter is handled in states where same sex couples are able to marry, but as heterosexuality is not the only way to marriage in those states, I would imagine the issue would be moot.

You are an idiot who is spouting nonsense about something you obviously know nothing about.

You aren’t transgender, why would you have any desire to be anything other than what you are? Most “women” who undergo the processes of hormones and surgery (although bottom surgery has yet to be improved or perfected) do not WANT to be a man. They are men. Their outsides do not match how they feel they should be, or who they feel that they are. You should do some research, and maybe you’d understand why your friend wouldn’t be content as a “butch lesbian.”

I agree with the above comments. It is true that transmen have more visibility. But the same could be said for gays and lesbians. I once had an elderly woman ask me why was there such an increase in gay people and implied that it was a fad. I was astounded. In addition to the general increase in population, gays and lesbians simply have more political power, visibilty, and societal acceptance. However, it is not a fad or trend (though, I would support that trend!) With the increase in availabilty of hormones – in this case, “T” – we can expect that there will be more folks transitioning. Queers used to call each other “family”. We need to go back to that mentality and not tear each other up for our identities and decisions.