thelesbianlifestyle.com

I know this is going to be way off topic, but I had to vent. I am getting to be a bitter lesbian. My wonderful wife and I are trying to conceive our first child together and it is bringing up a lot of bitterness in me towards the straight world. I already had a beautiful 4 year old little girl (she is now 7) when we met. My wife has been an amazing parent to her. She has also wanted to have a baby since she was 10 so it was only natural that we try and have one. I did not realize what a damn stressful situation it was going to be.

We have been trying to conceive for 4 months now. Now I know that it is not a long time in the TTC (Trying to Conceive) World, but it is stressful nonetheless. My daughter was an “oops” baby. I got pregnant with her when I was 19 and still in my straight years. I was with her father for 7 years. I had a very unsupportive partner in him and it made my pregnancy a living hell, but I worked hard and was always a good parent. Anyway, the fact that I read about all these young girls having babies, throwing them away or just not being good parents really pisses me off. It makes me mad for all of the loving gay couples that are trying desperately to conceive or wanting to adopt. Sometimes I feel like the universe has played a trick on me by “choosing” me to be gay. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a lesbian and I love my home life, but sometimes the difficulties of being gay will hit me. I wish more than anything that one night my wife and I could make love and out of that love making a beautiful baby would be the end result…..but I can’t and that really saddens me. Maybe it is useless being bitter, but I am.

We have been using a frozen donor for three months and now our very good friend has offered to become our known donor. We are using his nice fresh sperm next week. Please send us good baby making vibes. For all of you ladies that are not familiar with the process it goes like this:

1. You get your sperm ($$EXPENSIVE$$), whether from a cryobank or known donor;
2. You and you partner will try your best to make it romantic (this does not usually happen. I mean imagine your partner lying on the bed with her legs up in the air, speculum intact, you have a flash light headband on your head like some deranged vagina miner and you are trying desperately to find her cervix…sexy huh?)
3. Once you have located her cervical opening, you get the syringe of sperm and aim it at the opening. (Not a pretty sight, especially if you sucked at playing Duck Hunt on the original Nintendo Game System).
4. After that your partner will have to lay there for 30 minutes, legs in the air as you try to remove the speculum from her without spilling the goods.
5. When you have accomplished this fun task your partner will rotate from side to side (like a frigging rotisserie chicken) every 10 minutes to ”coat” the cervix with all the wonderful man juice.
6. Sometime during this 30 mins. Your partner has to achieve the Big O…without you. Because saliva and any kind of unsterilized (sp?) penetration can kill the little guys. So again, you don’t get the fun of baby making, but then again would you want to do that after your woman is filled with man love?? Yuck.
7. Once that task is completed, your partner will get up and go to the bathroom. About 2 minutes later you will hear her say “Ew, its all leaking out!” Bad visual.

You repeat (and rinse) steps 1 through 7 about 24 hours later. After all of that fun, you get to be in what is called TWW (the two week wait). This is where you stress over whether you are pregnant or not. You pee on sticks, take your temperature, read charts and basically lose your mind. When the TWW is over, you then pee on the final stick to see if that plus sign will appear. More times than none, it will be a BFN (big fat negative). On to the next month…boy I just can’t wait.

Can anyone see why I may be a little jealous or bitter towards the straight world? Maybe I just need to get a grip….Thanks for listening to the rant.