2006
Exit to Eden: Sexual deviation in an already deviant lifestyle
In the past couple of weeks I have been putting a lot of thought into sex. Yes, I am a horny 22 yr old in a new relationship…but that isn’t the point I am trying to make. As Ellen Degeneres said, (and I’m not directly quoting here…) once you tell someone what you’re into, you’re setting yourself up to hear “Oh, you’re into *THAT*? You’re weird.” And everyone’s definition of weird is different. Someone who is into foot worship may think their fetish is perfectly normal but think someone who likes to be spanked is a freak–or vice versa. So what’s my point, you ask? I am struggling with some of the not so normal/not so vanilla things that I like to do in the sack.One such thing is name-calling. Nothing excites me more (if I am in the right mood) than to be called things like “dirty whore,” “bitch,” and “slut.” The feminist in me screams out, “What the fuck, woman!” and the submissive in me eats that shit up. (It is also necessary to mention that, until my current girlfriend, I’ve never had an orgasm with another person. Now, I can come on command–something we discovered by accident.) So, needless to say, if she says “Come, slut.” I’m a puddle on the floor. Or, if she tells me NOT to come, I obey without a second thought. Its like instinct. She, of course thinks it’s hot.
I’ve been trying to explain to her how I feel when stuff like that is happening, but I’ve done nothing but confuse her. She’s open to try anything with me but I am still uneasy about talking about things. I tend to like it rougher than she does, I think. I mentioned in an earlier post that I have trouble talking dirty. I think that stems from my own sexual insecurities. Telling someone you like to be slapped around is scary…especially if you feel ashamed of liking it. So while all of this is enjoyable, I still have moments where I feel bad or dirty…and I don’t know why. So my reaosn for posting all of this is to get your opinions…stories…whatever. Tell me I’m not the only one out there like this.
You’re not the only one.
Being willing to open up your most secret desires, no matter how different from the norm,is one of the deepest forms of intimacy. And in doing so, you risk rejection and ridicule.
At the same time….nothing ventured, nothing gained. If it’s never put out there, the experience could never happen.