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I’ve always said, I don’t believe monogamy is natural; I believe it is a commitment we make despite our natural inclination, because of one reason or another. Until recently I never even imagined what could possibly make me, in the absence of threats to life and limb, want to make such a commitment. I’ve mentioned before that I thought it would happen when and if I fell in love… maybe, but most assuredly, I have to get there first. I don’t believe in love at first sight, maybe second sight – which can only be summed up in the following synopsis: One day after you’ve been together for a while and gone through the first level of growth and developmental changes required of a new relationship, and successfully made it through to the next stage despite the challenges, simply because you want to – by virtue of your desire to be together. Maybe I haven’t had the right partner, maybe I haven’t been the right partner, maybe I haven’t worked hard enough to make it through the first level, maybe it wasn’t the right time… maybe…just, maybe I’ve listened to my gut and known from the beginning that the people I’ve been with in the past haven’t been the ones with whom I’ve wanted to make it to the other side…I look at my mom and dad and all they’ve been through in 40 years, and I know it exists. There’s something to be said for waiting because sometimes people come in your life for a specific reason, and when that purpose has been accomplished the relationship is over. It’s good to spend some time at trying to discover why someone is in your life. Never before in the history of me have I been so present in my actions, words and thoughts. Despite the worldwind in my mind, I’ve managed to keep my wits about me and stroll slowly toward the L word rather than fall blindly into the abyss that is what happens when you move too quickly. I rather like taking my time and looking at what is and what isn’t rather than getting lost in what could be and missing something I need to see.
What is just is and can only bloom (or not) if you let nature take its course. Sure you have to feed and water a thing to make it grow but doesn’t nature take care of that too? Sometimes a thing is not meant to grow and nature sees fit to let it die; maybe because it has served its purpose or maybe because it was not meant to be in the first place. It’s been two days since I’ve seen my newest friend, and while I have to admit I do miss seeing her- I am glad I haven’t. 1). it feeds the excitement 2) it gives us a chance to talk more without being distracted by that physical thang. and 3) it has allowed me to identify what I now know to have been a pattern. In previous new relationships it has always been difficult to tear myself away from the incredible high that comes with the first few days/weeks of newness. Have you ever noticed how sometimes when you are in a room with a specific group of people and having a great conversation and just feeling really good energy, someone leaves or someone new comes in and the energy totally changes and though you try, you can’t seem to get it back to how it was? Before I’ve been kinda reluctant to take a day or two off because because I’ve been afraid of a shift of feelings in myself or the other person. I’m now finding how necessary a break is, to hanging on to perspective, and getting to know a person better. Without having your hands all over each other. What happens, happens.