thelesbianlifestyle.com

Every coming out story I’ve heard or read is the woman’s first sexual encounter. Mine is not a story like that. I didn’t come out voluntarily. It wasn’t an easy process. It took 5 years. The process began when I was 15. I had met a girl, S, and because of all the time we spent on the phone together, my mom began to question the nature of our relationship. After a pretty lengthy argument, I told her that S was my girlfriend. She called S’s mom and the two of them forbade us from seeing each other. However, that didn’t stop us. (We were together off and on for 6 years.) My mom yelled, “You’re not going to be a fucking lesbian!” and sent me to my room. I was grounded from the phone, the computer, and anything social. I could only go to school and back for months. Then we moved to Hawaii.

In Hawaii, things loosened up. I could do as I pleased for the most part. I got caught more times than I can remember chatting with S. That always got me grounded from the computer and caused a lengthy discussion about me being gay and going to hell. Mom was convinced it was a phase. Then I met another girl, J. The relationship developed slowly over about 6 months. We were together, undisturbed until Easter 2000. Her parents found out about us and told my parents. We lived 50 yards away from each other…and we weren’t allowed to see each other. Still, we snuck around. Then I moved away, back to GA because my parents got divorced.

In GA, I didn’t find anyone to date. I tried dating guys, just like I did in Texas and Hawaii. It never worked out. My mom and I argued at least once every 6 months that I was just going through a “phase” and that by being gay or acting on homosexual impulses, I was going to hell. I moved off to college. The fighting got worse. I moved back home, we still fought.

Shortly after my 20th birthday I had a manic episode that was caused by too much antidepressant. I had to go into the hospital. In the ER, with police officers outside because I was on suicide watch, my mom and I got into another fight. The result of that was her apologizing, and saying she’d try to accept it and that she loves me unconditionally. That’s all I ever wanted her to say. I envied people on MTV whose parents accepted them automatically. I envied friends of mine who were out and proud. I envied everyone. It took five grueling years to get the acceptance that I’d prayed for every night.

Now, I am in a relationship with the most amazing woman in the world. My mom doesn’t like her. But I learned something really valuable during my coming out process. I don’t need her approval…it’s just nice to have sometimes.