thelesbianlifestyle.com

Great topic. Safe sex that is. I remember when I came out 16 years ago HIV/AIDS was still a cause celeb and safe sex as a topic was as common among us queers as anything else we’d chat about. I remember many years ago watching a supposed lesbian sex sex porno. Though it was not that titillating of a film I felt like I was a part of a movement dedicated to healthy sexuality. At 17, a year after I came out I became a safe sex educator with the Red Cross and learned about all manner of STD’s including seeing pictures of anal warts (yikes!) Did I actually ever practice what I preached & believed in? Sadly no. Because I still believed in the myth that lesbians really can’t pass along VD to each other.

One thing I did do was get tested regularly. In fact the last time I was tested recently my nurse practically discouraged me from getting certain tests, based on the history of my *ahem* activities. Well I got the works done anyway & am glad that my status is exactly what I want it to be. That being said I’ve taken risks in the past & consider myself very lucky that I’ve never caught anything. In the last 8 years I’ve made sure to get tested every year at the least and always ask my sexual partners about their test status and if they have not been recently tested with a clean bill-o-health then wait until that has taken place. And yes I do think it’s a self esteem thing to be careful about taking care of myself to not get sick & possibly make others sick. But even greater is that I just don’t enjoy sex as much when I can’t actually taste & feel a woman fully.

I’ll be the first to say that it may be a lack of experience with safer sex or even a lack of sexual prowess that I just don’t enjoy safer sex practices such as dental dams & gloves. Perhaps if I were a more inventive/imaginative lover the latex would be more interesting. That being said I also know what I like & what feels good.

In the past I’ve only had one girlfriend who had an STD. We decided to have a sexual relationship using safer sex practices. She is a great woman & due to more reasons than just the sex it didn’t work out. But the sex was a big factor in my having a hard time with the relationship. I couldn’t taste her, feel her flesh upon my fingers or connect my clit to hers. Condoms on dildos are no big deal but dental dams or Saran Wrap taste not-so-good. Gloves are actually kind of fun but it’s still nice to actually feel such tender flesh upon my fingers. It was one of the most sexually frustrating experiences of my life & I got to a point where I just didn’t feel that excited by our sex. It felt more like work than a melding of passions to a point of mutual ecstasy.

The worst part for the woman I was with was that she got her STD fairly early in her sexual life from another woman. She barely had the experience sexually that I did & it seemed entirely unfair that I who had “known” many women & had done very unsafe things with unsafe folks in my youth never got a single thing. I am very grateful I never got an STD and am grateful I got to try safer sex in a relationship & learn so much more. And that ex taught me that waiting for test results & safer sex practices are far better than having to go through the pain of a VD. The myth of women not being able to get a sexually transmitted disease from another is long gone. It can and does happen.

My sweetheart & I both have been tested & are monogamous so we get as freaky as we want. I personally am so glad that the woman I love & want to have a future with I can touch, taste & feel as deeply as possible. And I’m very very glad she can do the same with me.

Speaking of sexuality I have a sexuality blog that I don’t update nearly enough. It’s She Touched Me. Feel free to stop by!
~F