Jerry Falwell, RIP

May
2007

Thank you, dear Lord, for taking our earthly brother, Reverend Dr. Jerry Falwell to his just reward. I know he worked hard for it. Of course, I’m not quite sure that your idea and his about what climate he’ll find at that reward is the same, but thanks anyway.And, Lord, thank you for taking one who was so careful to evenly distribute his bigotry and prejudice and wishes for eternal damnation across the spectrum of those created in Your image—the Gay, the Muslim, the Democrat, well, hell..er, I mean, heck…Lord, just about anyone who wasn’t a white, male, Republican, and Southern Baptist. It will be hard to fill his shoes here, Lord, but there are many waiting in the wings ready to grab his mantle. I don’t think he got the memo about you loving all your creatures, but no man is perfect, so we hope you will forgive him if he left anyone out of his diatribe of intolerance in Your name. Maybe to make amends we can suggest that Disneyland give those gays an extra day at the big park.So much was left undone, Lord. I know he was still hunting for that anti-Christ, who is surely alive today in the form of a Jewish man, or so he taught us. We were hoping to get together a little posse and go to Israel on a Christian, God-fearing, morality retreat this year, leaving the little women behind in the kitchen where they belong, to help him find the anti-Christ and bring Jerry’s credibility back to where it rightfully belonged, but he was taken from us too soon.

Lord, I just have one thing to say–it just doesn’t seem right—Jerry, well he’s gone to his reward for eternity and out of our lives, and, well, Tinky Winky gets to stay on with us forever in PBS reruns.

Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan in America. ~ Jerry Falwell …throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools, the abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked and when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad…I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America…I point the thing in their face and say you helped this happen. ~ Jerry Falwell on 9/11 Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them. ~ Jerry Falwell Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions. ~ Jerry Falwell The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews ~ Jerry Falwell

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