thelesbianlifestyle.com

Taking a quick break from my work to comment on this topic-of-the month. I worked for 5 years in a law office where the attorneys were Guardians ad Litem, appointed by the courts in cases of child neglect and abuse. Additionally, the office also did adoptions. Mainly, the adoptions were the stepparent type, where a biological parent remarried and the non-bio parent wanted to adopt, but we also did grandparent adoptions, 2 non-bio parent adoptions, but, I have to say, no gay adoptions. Most of them went very smoothly, and it was easy to see that the adoptive parents and children were extremely happy with becoming “legal” families. Still, not all adoptions turn out so well.

Speaking from this point of view, as well as from my own experience as a parent, I certainly believe that gay couples can make wonderful parents, and certainly should have the same rights as straight couples when it comes to adopting a child. That said, I must also issue a warning. PARENTHOOD IS FOREVER!!!! Whether it comes to you biologically or whether you choose it legally, you MUST be willing and even enthusiastic about putting your own needs second to that of the child, especially for the first 16 or so years. Less so as the child grows up and attains more independence, but still, my daughter is 24 now, and I cannot say that my active parenting has stopped. Indeed, in some ways, it is even more intense

One of the saddest cases I ever worked on was the case of an approximately 9 or 10 year old girl who had been adopted by a straight couple in California, and then they had moved to Colorado. This girl had some very serious emotional/behavioral problems stemming from her early childhood treatment. The adoptive parents, in the end, felt that they just could not cope with this child, and appealed to the courts in California to have the adoption reversed. To my knowledge, this girl is still in an institution in Denver, being treated, and one of the attorneys I worked for is still her Guardian ad Litem. He fought very hard AGAINST the adoptive parents being allowed to just “give her back”, but in the end realized that it would probably not be in her best interests to be with people who had been so clear about not wanting her

So, I say to ALL couples who consider adoption, be very careful what you wish for. Even if you adopt an infant, there are no guarantees. It truly is another human life that you are choosing to become responsible for, and there are no guarantees that this child will turn out how you hope, pray or envision. You have to be able to accept the child as he or she is, and love them just as much because or in spite of that. I do think that, possibly, gay couples might have the advantage there, because of having to fight for their own identities, but still, when you start talking about parents and what they want for their children, sometimes it’s hard to see a child as an actual individual rather than an extension of one’s own hopes and dreams

Therefore, consider it well. Think about the strength of your own character as well as the strength of your relationship. Consider what your adoptive child has already gone through in his/her short life, and if you will be able to cope with that. Adoption by any couple, gay or straight, is not a decision to be undertaken lightly.

Thanks for letting me expound

GG