2007
I didn’t fall in love with a straight woman
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I didn’t fall in love with a straight woman. I WAS the straight woman! I was 49, four years after a divorce from a 20 year marriage.
We had been friends for four years when 9/11 and my brother’s death made me lose my footing. She offered me regular massages to help with the grieving process.
Something I didn’t understand was happening in my body during those massages. The only thing I could point to was this amazing feeling that the bottoms of my feet kept opening and opening during the massage. We hugged and said I love you as friends….until……
I couldn’t wait for Christmas Day to pass because she was calling the next day. I hadn’t identified what was bubbling up inside of me, but something was. The call came and as we spoke, she said “There’s something I need to tell you. I have feelings for you.” Did I slam down the phone or run away? No! because I had feelings for her too.
And so we began. Because never in my life had I felt I was gay/lesbian, I told myself and my friends that I “fell in love with my friend who happens to be a woman”. But when we made love, I felt like I fit into my skin for the first time in my life!
Trying to process this shift in my world, I wrote a lot of poetry. After a few months, I accepted and proclaimed, “I am a lesbian!”
Sadly we split up after five delicious years. I am so looking forward to falling in love again — with a woman.
I don’t know why I didn’t know this about myself. I won’t even waste time thinking about it. I’m just enjoying the joy and wonder of my passionate attraction to women!
Jan
Being comfortable with who we are today is the most important…you have a great grasp on that.