thelesbianlifestyle.com

To this day I can not necessarily tell you if my first “lesbian” long term relationship was with a “straight” woman. I was in my early 20’s and her in her late 20’s. She was married (I came to find out later) and had a baby. I had a 2 year old. We met online. I had just come to realize my attraction to women and was too shy to meet someone face to face at a bar club or any where. The only experience I had was a 2 year sexual affair with one of my closest friend (definitely straight)so I turned to the internet personal ads.

We met and it was an electric attraction at that first kiss. She led me to believe in the beginning that she was co-parenting with her ex in the same house so she could stay home. Here I find out, after I was already in love with her and her son, that she was married already for 2 years. I should have walked away, but I didn’t as I was in love. He worked for a major league baseball team and was away 3 weeks out of the month (from March until October). During those days I would stay at her house 24/7. We would live like couple and make love all the time. We would go out at night when her husband was home as he thought I was just a really good friend. It was bliss….. at first. Our relationship was passionate and also very chaotic. She was controlling and she felt like I had to just be “ok” with the situation. She never wanted me to have a life outside of what I had with her. I guess she was envious and jealous that I was being who I was truly meant to be and she had to constantly be fake. I was young and this was the first woman I fell in love with so I put up with it for a long time. Needless to say it did not work. We tried for 2 years. I met the true love of my life a few months after I split from her.

The ex says she is gay, but I wonder. She lives the life of straight conservative upper middle class mom. She has had more 2 children since our split, which I think is horrible due to the fact she is living a lie. She would call me the first year often and beg me back; even after she found out I was married. I could never go back. I love my wife and kids (we just had our second child on 7/11/07 and 3rd wedding anniversary on 7/23/07) and they are the world to me.

She tries to live a double life. I am sure she is dating someone else. Her family and friends have no idea who she truly is and I feel sorry for her. I do think that one day it will catch up to her and I hope her husband and children will not be too badly hurt. Her husband loves her to death. And yes I still feel guilty as hell to this day.

My question is, can a “straight” woman carry on a serious long term relationship and not be considered a lesbian or not consider herself one?? Do you think it is just denial? In my experiences the “experimental” phase usually doesn’t last that long.