thelesbianlifestyle.com

                        I’ll be turning 30 in January. It’s a rather interesting milestone for me. I sit here at 29 and think of all that I had hoped to accomplish by the magical age of 30. There is nay a success story I fear. I thought I would be in a relationship. One of those long term ones were she and I meet at some random place when we’re 21 and never leave one another’s side from that point on. One that would lead to a marriage at the age of 25 and a child by 27. There would be a dog, she would make me get a cat, and money would be a constant issue.

I had hoped to be out of the office. Out of the confined walls of the cube I work in for a company that considers me a number. A small number at that. My pay scale too is not where I had hoped it to by by 30. However, my lack of pay is probably one of the top factors as I slipped past a few layoffs. I had fantasized about being a writer. The goal was to be carefree and not worrying about keeping up with the Jones. I was to carve out my own path since neither sides of the fork in the road looked good to me at the age of 18. And oh yeah, I hoped to be a size 12 at least!

On the contrary I am single. Been that way now for more years than I can count. I live at home with my mom. I spend the little money I make on my niece. Apparently my brother was the one meant to get married and have a baby. The rest of the money goes to gifts for those around me getting married and having babies.

This cube I work in ain’t getting any bigger. Nor is my wallet or my savings account. However, I do still have a job in a state where unemployment seems to be all the rage. I have friends here, in this state that I have wanted to leave for so long now. Friends that I laugh with and have created amazing memories with. The kind of laughter that hurts your stomach and the kind of memories that never go away.

I was talking to my mom yesterday. Complaining about how I may be alone forever. She responded by saying, “Join the club.” My Dad passed away in January and I know that was her version of bitterness. Seems as though you just read mine above. The truth of the matter is that I’m officially tired of thinking about all the things I don’t have and ready to finally recognize that which I’ve always had. Maybe I will be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I will put in 30 years at this soul sucking company, but that laughter and those memories will last me a lifetime.

Life’s simply too short to bitch day in and day out. It’s too short to judge people the way so many of us do. Too short for these bullshit wars and the blind eyes many of us have towards whatever the Hell is going on in America. I’m normally not always flowers and pink bunnies, but today I am tired from the dark and dreary. Today I woke up to a smile with no reason and wanted to take the time to explain my surprise. I may be alone forever, but the truth is I’m not really alone. I may not be rich, but I already have everything I need. For within this moment I found happiness.