2007
Aging and Gay, and Facing Prejudice in Twilight
I found this to be a very interesting article via The New York Times. Please feel free to comment your thoughts, post, or email them to me to post on TLL.
Even now, at 81 and with her memory beginning to fade, Gloria Donadello recalls her painful brush with bigotry at an assisted-living center in Santa Fe, N.M. Sitting with those she considered friends, “people were laughing and making certain kinds of comments, and I told them, ‘Please don’t do that, because I’m gay.’”
The result of her outspokenness, Ms. Donadello said, was swift and merciless. “Everyone looked horrified,” she said. No longer included in conversation or welcome at meals, she plunged into depression. Medication did not help. With her emotional health deteriorating, Ms. Donadello moved into an adult community nearby that caters to gay men and lesbians.
“I felt like I was a pariah,” she said, settled in her new home. “For me, it was a choice between life and death.”
Elderly gay people like Ms. Donadello, living in nursing homes or assisted-living centers or receiving home care, increasingly report that they have been disrespected, shunned or mistreated in ways that range from hurtful to deadly, even leading some to commit suicide.
Read the rest here.
From Schmitz Blitz: schmitzblitz.wordpress.com
The article discussed the option of creating gay only nursing homes. This immediately brought to mind Harvey Milk High School– a high school just for gay students in New York City. While I understand that gay teens can face isolation and extreme bullying from their peers (it is not surprising then that the number one cause of death of gay teens is suicide), I do not believe segregation is the solution. Gay teens must learn to live with a sometimes hostile society, just as much as the society must learn to accept the existence of gay people. That can never happen so long as gays and straights live in different and separate spheres.
Given my problems with gay segregation in schools, I was initially hesitant about the prospect of creating gay only nursing homes for the elderly. However in the end I think I’m coming down in support. While the attitudes toward homosexuality are becoming ever more accepting among the younger generations, it is not so for the older ones. And I can’t really see the older generations changing their minds after decades of believing that homosexuality is a mental disorder and a gross perversion. Additionally, since elderly gays are reaching the end of their lives, there is little value in learning to deal with and overcome discrimination. They should be allowed to enjoy the rest of their lives free from the isolation and depression that come with discrimination and bigotry.
There was one bit of the article that actually struck a hopeful note for me. The article told of Bruce Steiner, 76 who was looking for a gay-friendly nursing home for his partner Jim Anthony, 71, who could no longer feed himself or speak due to his advanced Alzheimer’s disease (both pictured above). He noted that the best he found was one run by Carmelite nuns, “because they had a sense of humor.” I believe the Catholic Church and others would do well by taking an example from these Carmelite sisters, who offer love and kindness rather than condemnation and scorn.