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My former partner was the first and thus far only woman I have ever loved and ever been sexual with. I’d like to tell you about her because I admire her so very much.

We began as friends. After our partnership ended and we’d both grieved the loss, we renewed our friendship. This is a true friendship. We trust each other with our deepest feelings. We want the other to be happy and loved.

During our time together, she was a true partner, sharing the joys and sorrows of life, sharing household chores, communicating her needs/wants/hopes.

My family did not model speaking the truth or identifying emotions. When issues would come up, as they always do in relationship, my ex-partner would reach deep inside to confirm the integrity of what she was about to say.

As I watched her consistently honor her personal truth and communicate her needs, I wanted to be as open and honest. In the past, when I would be upset about something, I would shut down and hide. But I was choosing a different path. Over and over, I would breath deep and go talk with her. I reached deep inside to locate what upset me, how I felt about it, what I needed to let her know. These talks seldom caused either one of us to change, but we developed a better understanding and that healed any hurts.

I admire her for much more than that however. She had many wounds from her early life. She worked very hard and long to heal those emotional scars. Having been a part of her family for five years, I can tell you this was a huge healing.

There were several issues that arose in the earliest days of our relationship. When I asked her to address them, she examined what she was doing and followed through to learn differently.

When I was struggling with some issues, she asked me to go into therapy and deal with those issues. In honor of her willingness to heal, two years later I continue my healing therapy. Now I am healing for me.

When I met her in 1997, she appeared to be a very serene woman. Little did I know the surprises that were in store for me! Gradually as we lived together, she unveiled one quirk at a time. (Luckily it was gradually because I came from a very boring family.) I came to love all her quirks.

Almost every day I would observe another quality of hers that I loved or respected. My heart opened ever wider in honor of her honesty, integrity, compassion, honor, humor and sweetness.

When we were going through the separation, I could not imagine finding another person as precious as her. I now understand that I won’t find another her, but I will find someone to love as deeply.

Thank you, Dear Friend, for the love and the learning. I treasure your friendship.

Jan