thelesbianlifestyle.com

Everything used to be a great word. I used to associate “everything” with “freedom”. I tell you everything because I can. When I say something to you it is not a mere whim for verbal diarrhea. When I tell you an event or a thought and even the simplest of dreams, the only thing lacking is your presence when it happened because in the story that I am retelling, I do not leave out anything for you. But now I find myself losing to a battle that I was not aware of. That by opening up to you the way I had gotten used to would now mean a tragedy waiting to happen just around the corner.

I can no longer tell you everything. I am suddenly turned into an insensitive devil who spits balls of fire without me knowing it. I become a villain who feels horrible in the end when this very villain never deviced a devious plan in the first place. I am bound to say sorry when I never waged a war right from the start.

When I tell you something in yellow why do you turn it into red?
I speak to you of orange and you turn it into red.
I tell you about green and you turn it into red.
I say something in pink and you turn it into red.

I am getting weary of this monochromatic world. Why turn me into a foe when I come to you as a partner? Must I now guard what I say? Can one live like that for the rest of one’s life with someone? I am bound by your love and yet I feel that I am now gagged.

I am so lost.