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This time of year leads to reflection for me. in about a month it will be the 6 year anniversary of my mothers death and in a few days the 1 year mark for the father of a dear friend.

Death has been a very common part of my family and recently, in the family of one I care very much about. It’s always hard to deal with, no one can make the pain go away and you’re seriously considering strangling the next person who tries to give you advice. Religion either becomes your crutch or it falls by the wayside.

My religious beliefs (atheist) always raise questions among my circle of family and friends. They wonder how I can feel peace with knowing that there is no god. Or if I’m scared of death, thinking that I’m not going to their proverbial “heaven” I usually clear that up with my belief in reincarnation. It makes them not feel so bad for me.

That’s not to say that I don’t believe in spirits, or the dead walking among us. That is actually been proven (to an extent) Ok I don’t want to spin off on that.

I guess I’m just blogging feelings. I don’t usually have the time in my day to speak honestly about how I’m feeling so it’s a good thing you all are here. Thanks!

Every year that passes since my mothers death I hope the day will be different. I usually end up remembering some mundane or small detail I’d forgotten, having one too many Jack and Diet Cokes and crying myself to sleep, only to wake up with an enormous headache, puffy eyes and emotionally drained.

I’m going to share a poem that my mother used to have posted on her refrigerator at home. When I moved out, shortly before her passing she gave it to me.

Comes The Dawn

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security. You begin to understand that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.

You begin to accept your defeats with your head held high and your eyes open. With the grace of a woman and not the grief of a child. You learn to build your roads on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

You learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth. You learn and learn and you learn with every good bye you learn.

Every time I read that, I can pull something new out of it. It was a sort of revelation for my mother who spent the rest of her days (after divorce in 1984) unmarried and working her fingers to the bone. She found strength in herself to raise 2 children on her own. (sometimes in the absence of illumination and hot water) So to all you single mommies out there, here’s to you. May your life be filled with love and warmth. Don’t work too hard either, you don’t want to miss out on the important things.