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Sung to the tune of My Favourite Things:

Emotional hang-ups and emotional baggage,
Emotional rollercoasters and emotional garbage,
Fear of rejection and low self-esteem,
These are NOT a few of my favourite things.

Eat your heart out Julie Andrews!

Here’s a mostly harmless Wikipedia definition for you: insecurity is a feeling that makes us feel unloved, inadequate, and worthless. It can be the underlying cause for many problems in our interactions with strangers, co-workers, bosses, friends, family, and lovers.

Since I’ve more or less admitted that I am a HUGE fan of the Sound of Music, I’m also going to confess that I’ve suffered from HUGE insecurities in my life. It’s only through countless hours of self-analysis, and more than a few honest and raw conversations with wise friends, that I’ve been able to leave a lot of my emotional baggage at the door, throw out most of my emotional garbage, and hang up…well…my hang-ups.

It hasn’t been easy and it’s not to say that I still don’t suffer from insecurities every once in awhile. I do…especially when I’m having a bad hair day and feel bloated. So saying, allow me to give you a few suggestions on how to help you overcome your own insecurities. I recognize this won’t happen overnight, but if you really want to make some positive changes in your life, these are some good starting points:

o Make a list and check it twice.
What do you like about yourself? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you really should make a list of your qualities. For instance, I love my eyebrows, my feet, and I’m sure this doesn’t come as a surprise, my sense of humour. I also love the fact that I only know how to play the triangle. True story.

From your biggest assets (kind and patient), to your littlest ones (able to match your socks in the morning), write every single one down. Trust me, you aren’t being an egomaniac, you’re simply reminding yourself of why you’re so loveable.

o Get a life!
I’m a social butterfly. I like to have my Friday and Saturday evenings booked with friends and family. For the longest time, my feelings would be hurt when my loved ones had made plans without me. In order to stop feeling that way, I decided to broaden my circle of friends. I joined the Chouettes Coquettes, www.chouettescoquettes.com, a fantastic social group for queer ladies in their twenties and thirties here in Montreal. Why not do some research and find a group of people that do an activity you like doing? Drinking, bird watching, reading, yoga, bondage…

What’s that you say? You’re shy? That’s ok…that’s where suggestion #3 comes into play.

o Learn to be comfortable with and by yourself.
I had to learn to start doing things on my own, whether it was going to the movies, or eating at restaurants. Plus, I picked up a few hobbies on the way…and no playing the triangle wasn’t one of them…I learned to do that in grade three…musical prodigy that I am.

I’ve also kept a journal since I was 16 years old. Writing has helped figure out what’s happening with me emotionally and helped me realize when and why I’m living viscous cycles.

o What do people like about you?
When I’m feeling down I sometimes like to remember why all the people in my life love me. It brings me comfort. In case you’ve forgotten, why not ask your friends and family to tell you? Ask them to send you a love letter of all the reasons they are so happy to have you in their lives. And as an added bonus, you can do the same for them. PS: It’s a great gift for Valentine’s Day…hint hint…

o Stop comparing yourself to others.
I just learned this a few months ago thanks to two wise friends who were helping me deal with a personal problem. This is essentially what they said, “Any interaction your loved ones have with other people should not in any way diminish the interactions you have had with them.” Wisest thing I’ve heard in years!

If your friend, family member, and lover are out having a good time with other people, how does this make you any less special or wonderful? It doesn’t. If you’re out having fun without your loved ones, does this mean you love them any less? Absolutely not! So stop looking at other people and asking yourself what they have that you don’t…that isn’t healthy or productive.

When we’re plagued with jealousy, low self-esteem, and neurotic insecurity, I truly believe it’s because we forget how special and unique we all are as individuals. A few weeks ago, I received a birthday card from two funny friends. The card said: “You’re a gift to the world.” They thought this was hilarious because they were teasing me about my ego…which can enter a room before I do I must admit. However, instead of laughing, I was touched.

I am a gift to the world…and you know what? So are you. We’re all gifts. We just need to be reminded every once in awhile.