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When my girlfriend and I were together for two months she had to undergo heart surgery because of a birth defect - a problem with the mitral valve that was not opening and closing correctly. Her problems were severe. She could not bear even the smallest physical strain, she had sometimes strong pain or a pulse of 180 beats just like that out of the blue.

Basically they did not expect anything to go wrong, but then many things went very wrong. During the OP she lost more blood than they had “planned” - not enough blood in her blood group in the hospital. She fell into coma several times in the first OP that took almost 10 hours. Then in a second OP, in which she had a 20 % chance of survival, her aorta that was about to have a lethal rupture was patched up. I am shortening things here, because I am realising how much re-telling this again upsets me, it brings back more details than I want to remember.

The really serious part was going on for about two weeks. She was in hospital in Greece, I was at home in Germany. Two weeks in which her sister kept me àjour of what was happening. Her parents did not know anything about us or her being a lesbian, so going there was out of the question. Two weeks in which I only ate a few pieces of whatever was around, decaying in the fridge. I did not drink enough either, I did not sleep. Two weeks in which I was either on the phone producing monstrous bills that ate up my savings because then I was unemployed. The rest of the time I was crying, praying, meditating, sort of trying to be with her to keep a connection with her mind, spiritually, I cannot explain it.

In the last coma-phase her family was already discussing to switch off the live supporting systems. But then she came back. In the beginning she could not remember everybody. She did not recognise her grandfather (the most charming old Greek gentleman one can imagine - he is 90 now and still dancing at Easter!) and she did not recognise me. Her sister showed her a foto of me. She said “hey she’s nice - don’t tell me she is together with me?!” What followed was a week that was a bit difficult. We had “met” over the phone. Someone we both knew had matched us up. So for a period of three weeks we just spoke over the phone. This she remembered. Now it sounds funny how she asked me “J. (her sister) tells me you were here to see me. Did we have sex?” Believe me, then it was not funny at all… But the memories came back. Also the semi-paralysed half of her body recovered completely

All that happened just over four years ago. She has recovered completely. Presently we are going through a very painful separation process that neither of us really wanted nor can we both seem to believe it is true. She went from Germany, where we lived in my hometown for two years to Belgium to finish her master thesis where she stays with a Greek friend who brings out all the jealousy in me that I thought I never had. I do not know what will or will not become of us, but I know for sure that those two weeks, this experience of having the one you love somewhere between living and dying has changed me forever.