I am a BI and I am not confused. So what?

Apr
2008

I am a BI and I am not confused. So what?

I am writing this post because I’d like, for once, to share (in a lesbian website) what is about being BI from a BI point of view. . I am done with defending myself just because I am not straight, nor lesbian… And in fact I am both or none. And no… I am not a cheater, I am not looking for doubling my chances and most importantly I am n-o-t confused about my identity, sexuality, morality, etc.

In my view this is the thing. It is not because you like people with dark hair that you will never like blonde people; and really why should anyone even care about the color of the hair? Sex, sexuality, feelings and yes… the word with the capital L…Love … well they are not about gender. You cannot force yourself to be anything different from what you are. So if you are lesbian you cannot force yourself to be straight and if you are bisexual you cannot choose to “become” lesbian or hetero. I am not sick, I am not wrong or right, and no I don’t need anyone to fix me or to tell who/what I should be.

The only thing I guess you can do if you happen to be BI, in my opinion, is to be your true self, and most importantly be utterly honest, sharply honest…hurtfully honest even with yourself first and then your dates, your GFs/BFs and partner. Let them know that you may have feelings again for other “genders” other than theirs and that you may want to explore it when and if it will happen; that doesn’t mean that you’d love them less…

You do not divide or share love, you “grow” it… It is not because you love your sister, that you will not love your brother.

Be your honest self and let your dates/partners choose if she/he can like/love you just the way you are. And if he/she can, you will discover an unexpected freedom and joy… And you may end up love him/her even more. There is a great joy when a relative or friend can accept who you are; there is even a greater one - much greater - when the “someone” that accepts who you are is the person you like/love …A far greater one. I personally became my very own self when my partner accepted my sexuality.

And no, I don’t feel like a cheater, I have no secrets with my partner, not even small ones, not even innocent ones and my partner has my full and undivided attention. And still after more then 7 years together my heart aches when we get apart and I still find my self moved when we wake up together, hugged to each other, on a lazy Sunday morning.

I feel very sad and disappointed when I see that the same lesbians that stand in front line to defend the right to be “who you are” are so judgmental and narrow minded when it comes to BIs.

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Author: elle
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Posted in Bisexual

Comments

6 Responses to I am a BI and I am not confused. So what?

Totally share your concerns. I wrote an article about biphobia in the LGBT community recently for my website lesbilicious.co.uk and I was actually really surprised at the positive reactions I got from lesbians for it - I was expecting a bit of a backlash!

by Milly on April 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 am

I appreciate you writing this. I am guilty of not understanding what it means to be bi in my past life. Today I am happy to embrace my bi brothers and sisters and understand the meaning of true bisexuality. You’ve got my support.

by Jero on April 22nd, 2008 at 10:06 am

I appreciate this as well. I self-identified as bi while I was soul-searching for my true self. I think I did so because, from time to time, I would meet a man and there would be “that” connection, so I thought, well, I must be bi, ’cause I’m still attracted to some men. Now, I know I am a lesbian, because while I might still feel that “twinkle”, that passing attraction for a man (and I do enjoy looking at or flirting with an attractive man), I could never, ever give my heart and soul to a man the way I have to a woman. There’s too much mistrust, or something. As you say, it really has nothing to do with the sex. I could probably have great sex with a man, get up, and walk out and never think about it again. No way could I do that with any woman. Women hold me, entrance me, captivate me in ways no man has ever approached. But as you say, we love who we love. Given my twice-married history, I would never consider looking down on anyone’s choice of partner(s). If all parties are adult and willing to be in whatever relationship is consensual, more power to all of you!

by GG on April 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm

I think the following line sums it up, “Be your honest self and let your dates/partners choose if she/he can like/love you just the way you are.” If you are with someone who is secure with themselves and the love you share you won’t have any problems. In my experience it is insecurity that helps fuel the “cheater” image of bisexuals. The fact of the matter is that if someone is going to cheat it doesn’t matter what their sexuality.

I’m glad you shared these words with us here. I hope that the comments left so far have given you hope that not all lesbians dislike women who identify as bisexual. You have both my support and admiration for being so honest and true to your heart.

by goldstardyke on April 22nd, 2008 at 1:13 pm