thelesbianlifestyle.com

As seen on www.tina-cious.com:

 Totally ripped off from The Wishful Writer.

What would you say if you wrote a letter to your 13-year-old self?

This is what I would say:

Dear Tina,

First and foremost. Go directly to your room and change your clothes. I will say this once and never again. Neon pink DOES NOT GO (with anything) — but ESPECIALLY not red pleather pants.

I’ll wait.

Second — even though Mom is really old school and it’s hard to get her to buy you ANYTHING that is not a life need, go ahead and spend your money on lacey fingerless gloves and scarves for your head, and jelly bracelets and ear piercings and whatever.

What the heck, live it up.

I have to warn you though. Try to avoid getting your picture taken.

I’m still trying to live down some seriously painful Madonna moments.

::::shudder:::::

Anyway, pretty soon you are going to meet Ray. You are going to “date” him and he’s going to get you pregnant. But you won’t find out that you are pregnant until two days after you find out that he’s been cheating on you with two other girls. (Ditto Tony in 5-6 years).

One’s name is Marilyn in the grade ahead of you.

The other is Terry in the grade below you.

Do what you will with that information.

Oh and when you get pregnant again at 20 (apparently we’re pretty fertile!) you are going to use the excuse that you are “eating for two” WAY too literally. You will actually be eating for 22.
DON’T DO IT!!

We WILL regret it. Yes, that means that we’re fat now.

Next, you will see an attached sheet of paper with dates and a bunch of numbers.

Those are the winning lottery numbers for the next 22 years. Save ‘em. Make many copies.

Also, at some point in your life you are going to become an education junkie.

Two words of advice:

1) While you don’t mind cleaning the elderly’s rear-ends, you will end up hating being a nurse’s aid.
2) When you decided to become a paralegal instead you won’t realize at the time that working for lawyers is worse than cleaning the elderly’s rear-ends.

Go to school for something more exciting and creative.

…or marry rich.

Speaking of marriage.

Your husband’s going to be a woman.

No, I sh!t you not.

Seriously.

All of a sudden those naked body “bumping” contests with your female friends in the basement will make a whole lotta sense.

And no, mom is not going to understand.

Ever.

Speaking of parents, dad is never going to “come around” and start being a real father to you. When he divorced mom, he divorced you too.

Start resenting him now.

I know what you’re thinking… who is this old b!tch who thinks she knows everything?

It’s me. You. And yes, I do know everything. Just like you do.

Now if I can just work this space/time continuum, I will write again.

The pissed off older version,
Tina-cious.com