Comments on: Ex’s and O’s. http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2008/05/06/exs-and-os/ Sun, 06 Nov 2011 06:14:01 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Dharma Kelleher http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2008/05/06/exs-and-os/comment-page-1/#comment-2616 Dharma Kelleher Tue, 06 May 2008 16:52:28 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=757#comment-2616 Been there, done that, got the tattoo. Here is what I know from my long years in recovery from codependency and addiction: When we stay in a situation that we know is unhealthy for us, there is a reason. There is some sort of payoff, however insane it may be. Otherwise, you would end all contact with her. Maybe you like the drama that the current situation creates. Or maybe there is some sort of fantasy clinging to the past. I don't know what the payoff is for you in this situation. That's for you to discover. My suggestion would be to end contact with her for an entire year. Give yourself the time you need to work through your own personal issues. If you find yourself unable to set and honor such boundaries for yourself, then maybe it's time to check out some 12-Step programs like Codependents Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Love Addicts Anonymous and Al-Anon. These programs are very helpful to people like you and me who have difficulties setting boundaries. You are not a bad person. But it is time to take responsibilities for your choices and actions. It is time to stop wallowing in the insanity and to start healing. You are worth loving. Peace out, Dharma www.dharmashanti.com<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('2616','Dharma Kelleher'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('2616','Dharma Kelleher','Been there, done that, got the tattoo. Here is what I know from my long years in recovery from codependency and addiction: \r\n\r\nWhen we stay in a situation that we know is unhealthy for us, there is a reason. There is some sort of payoff, however insane it may be. Otherwise, you would end all contact with her.\r\n\r\nMaybe you like the drama that the current situation creates. Or maybe there is some sort of fantasy clinging to the past. I don\'t know what the payoff is for you in this situation. That\'s for you to discover.\r\n\r\nMy suggestion would be to end contact with her for an entire year. Give yourself the time you need to work through your own personal issues. \r\n\r\nIf you find yourself unable to set and honor such boundaries for yourself, then maybe it\'s time to check out some 12-Step programs like Codependents Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Love Addicts Anonymous and Al-Anon. These programs are very helpful to people like you and me who have difficulties setting boundaries.\r\n\r\nYou are not a bad person. But it is time to take responsibilities for your choices and actions. It is time to stop wallowing in the insanity and to start healing. You are worth loving.\r\n\r\nPeace out,\r\nDharma\r\nwww.dharmashanti.com'); return false;">Quote</a></div> Been there, done that, got the tattoo. Here is what I know from my long years in recovery from codependency and addiction:

When we stay in a situation that we know is unhealthy for us, there is a reason. There is some sort of payoff, however insane it may be. Otherwise, you would end all contact with her.

Maybe you like the drama that the current situation creates. Or maybe there is some sort of fantasy clinging to the past. I don’t know what the payoff is for you in this situation. That’s for you to discover.

My suggestion would be to end contact with her for an entire year. Give yourself the time you need to work through your own personal issues.

If you find yourself unable to set and honor such boundaries for yourself, then maybe it’s time to check out some 12-Step programs like Codependents Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Love Addicts Anonymous and Al-Anon. These programs are very helpful to people like you and me who have difficulties setting boundaries.

You are not a bad person. But it is time to take responsibilities for your choices and actions. It is time to stop wallowing in the insanity and to start healing. You are worth loving.

Peace out,
Dharma
http://www.dharmashanti.com

Reply – Quote
]]> By: Tina-cious.com http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2008/05/06/exs-and-os/comment-page-1/#comment-2615 Tina-cious.com Tue, 06 May 2008 13:52:49 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=757#comment-2615 Oy -- why do we DO these things!?! LOL Good luck... I gotta say though -- you're new girl must have the patience of a saint! :)<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('2615','Tina-cious.com'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('2615','Tina-cious.com','Oy -- why do we DO these things!?! LOL\r\n\r\nGood luck... I gotta say though -- you\'re new girl must have the patience of a saint! :)'); return false;">Quote</a></div> Oy — why do we DO these things!?! LOL

Good luck… I gotta say though — you’re new girl must have the patience of a saint! :)

Reply – Quote
]]>