thelesbianlifestyle.com

Hi everyone!

Thought I’d introduce myself before I started with the topics for February.

My name’s Billie.  I’m a native Californian in my 20′s. (Heh… like I’m really gonna tell my age.)  I’m biracial, which has been an experience in itself. My dad’s side is Creole and my mom’s is Italian. My stepmom, who’s been in our lives since I was 1 yr. old, is Samoan. Because of that, I love everything culture and language related. Both Mom & Dad are musicians, and I grew up in a household filled with amazing music; hence my love for all forms and genres. (Aside from most country… although I do admit, I’m a huge Johnny Cash fan and a closet Tim McGraw one).

Music is definitely my passion, and I wish I was actually good at creating it. I’m great at appreciating it, though. And I tend to use a song lyric as each of my blog titles. I also speak Italian, a little Samoan, a little Spanish, and a little Japanese, and am still working toward my degree to become a translator.

I’m a very open person and am [almost] always honest. I do have a tendency to keep my worlds separate and a bit hidden from each other, though.

Enough of the boring stuff (or so she says!) On to the first topic of the month:

Born Gay?
I’ve known since I was old enough to be attracted to anyone that I found women attractive. I never made a conscious decision to “be lesbian”. As most growing girls do, “straight” or otherwise, I experimented with my playmates, and perfected my first kiss with my best friend. I never knew there was anything different about me until I got to middle school. I always felt more in tune with masculinity than all my friends, but that never tied into the lesbian thing, as I don’t buy into the cliche’. (Although I do joke about it a lot). Still, I always identified myself as bisexual, because I was still attracted to boys.

Apart from my mom who’s Buddhist and my dad who’s Protestant, I come from a family of strict Catholics, and being attracted to your own sex was – and is – a no-no. As I got older, I realized it really isn’t. However, I’ve always always been the black sheep in my family. I wanted to hurry up and become normal. I rushed into relationships with guys. Although, yes, even to this day, I still find them attractive… even hot… it never goes further than that. And in each relationship, I found myself very unhappy because I knew I wanted something they couldn’t give me simply because they were men.

I continued dating both men and women, falling deeply in love with both, and finally had to be honest with myself about my preference. Yes, I can appreciate the wonderful qualities men possess, and having mostly male friends is a plus for me. They’re honest, a lot less complicated, good for a shoulder to cry on, among other things. But at the heart of it all, my connections are always deeper with women. The love-making is always more satisfying. The best parts of me surface when in relationships with women. Given, each person is different, but I find that the passion and deep understanding I search for and need in a significant other, only the fairer sex can give me.

Whether that makes me bisexual with a preference for women or lesbian, I don’t know. But the label means nothing to me.

My choice was to be honest with myself. To live my life the best way I know how… in a way that furthers my evolution and allows my heart to grow and develop. It is a daily choice for each of us to continue dating whomever we choose.

I never chose to love women. But if I had a choice, I’d make it so that society would realize there is no abnormality in a love between two people… any two people.