thelesbianlifestyle.com

It’s been brought to my attention that there are still a number of us, teh lesbians, who are currently single—that includes single, single again, and single for tonight. I’m not going to name names, you know who you are (not me, of course). It’s brutal out there. Brutal. Well, unless you are in the under-25 demographic. It appears that there are lots of options out there in that age group. Gotta love the fact it’s “in” to be “out.”

Also, those youngsters, well, they haven’t experienced the uniqueness of being in the community for that long. They haven’t experienced the U-Haul factor. Or, breaking up at least three times before you’re sure it’s not going to work and still pining away after that for something that you probably could have avoided entirely if you hadn’t had that third Jack Daniels in the first place. Maybe it was the “OMG, my girlfriend has gone straight,” thing that makes us question our abilities as a lesbian that sent us over the edge. Or, that if we’ve been in one place for any length of time, we’ve probably met and possibly dated every single woman in the area—or our last girlfriend did. And, at some point, experienced the penultimate in lesbian relationship disasters: Lesbian Bed Death.

It’s different once you’re beyond the age you can walk into the girl bar and survey the room, scoping out the five or six of interest and actually have a shot at them. When you stop looking at women for their hot bodies and wonder if they like to walk the dog on Sunday mornings and read the paper in bed or have good health insurance. Or if they are jiggy with the fact you like to be asleep by 10 pm. Nor do the youngsters have to contend with the fact that at some point we realize that 95% of the women we’re going to meet from here on out might be candidates for orthopedic stockings in the nearer-than-you’d-like future and the AARP already sent their membership card.

The kids haven’t gone on innumerable coffee dates with 40 or 50-somethings who we know we’ll probably never see again, because she didn’t look as good as her picture, after all. But, we keep going through the motions anyway on the off chance we can put away our cynicism or damaged heart long enough to let get a second date Seriously, did you think Jodie Foster would dump Cyndi Bernard? I totally didn’t see that coming. Or, we decide the effort’s just too great and we’d rather be alone than go through the process one more time.

But, then, we strike out again, and the fact that she is a little quirky and always puts the toilet paper on “under” instead of “over” just isn’t so important anymore. We look at compatibility, the long term, and whether we can see her sitting in our double rocker on the front porch down the road in our twilight years. We start thinking outside of a day-at-a-time and wonder how we’ll meld our families, our households full of a lifetime of things, or whether they will be able to look at us at our worst first thing in the morning and still kiss us good morning, bad breath and all, and tell us, “I love you.”

So, I direct you to the S.A.F.E.T.Y. Dating Application for Lesbians devised by Uncle Doreen and me to help you in your screening process. Cash is preferred.

S.A.F.E.T.Y. Dating Application

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