2008
Can the heterosexual community stop asking me how do lesbians F*$k!
“Straight people” seem to always be so dam puzzled when asking me “how do two women have sex?” As if the porn industry hasn’t already diluted the shock factor enough. To be quite honest when I answer this question any expression of astonishment from the people who ask me, just comes off as fake to me. So I usually respond “I don’t know… use your freaking imagination!” “But I just don’t get it. Is there any actual penetration.. can that be considered sex…” or the old “I don’t consider two women having sex really sex.” ok stop right there. Does anybody here get constantly bombarded with crap like this? At first I use to get really uncomfortable when explaining the endeavors of two women in the bedroom. And the truth is I shouldn’t have to explain myself right? But somehow I felt compelled to defend lesbian women all around the world one heterosexual at a time. How do you explain making love to a woman? When I would start to explain my interpretation of what I believe sex with women consisted of the inquisitive questioning only escalated to intrusive probing. I became exhausted with trying to explain this to other people and eventually my exhaustion turned into aggravated annoyance followed by “rent some fu@%ing porn!”
Then one day my good friend and I were talking about sex…. and I was shocked at my discovery. One of my friends has been with a woman for two years now and they have never used penetration of any sort (unless you count tongue as penetration). I began to wonder the question that so many people had been so pervasively and annoyingly asking me: “how do two women have sex?”
Wait a minute…. let me get this straight…(no pun intended..seriously) so I’ve been having sex with women (“mostly straight” or what they call bi-curious) and I haven’t been doing it right? Of course I panicked and began an intrusive bombardment of questioning of my own (and a pathetic attempt to appease my now confused thoughts). “What the hell do you mean there is no penetration… than you haven’t had sex with a woman!” Yes I know I fell into the shallow, bigot claws of hypocrisy… go figure. And that’s when she asked me “well what do you define as having sex with a woman?”
Oh wow ok. Ummmm define… does she mean like a definition…hmmm let me look that up in Wikipedia…. I quickly scanned the memoirs of my sexual experiences desperately seeking something that seemed to be a familiar route towards clarification, and still could not come up with a conclusive answer… “I have no idea!” I exclaimed in an odd exasperated tone… As I soaked it all up I felt like a three year old child trying to play scrabble. I found myself teeter tottering between amusement and bemusement… how come this thought had never crossed my head? Had I actually assumed I knew what having sex with a woman was all about, what it comprised of? Had I actually believed making love to a woman consisted of materials, tools, directions, like a freaking instructional manual from IKEA?
As I sat there a bit beside myself a bit disgruntled and completely disgusted with my narrow assumptions… and then it hit me… the epiphany that could quite determinedly change my life forever (ok maybe not my life but at least my sex life). That Lesbian sex can’t be defined nor explained neither in absolute nor near definitive terms. That every woman has their own interpretation of what sex and making love to another woman is like and that every woman’s experience is different. I spoke to a woman the other day who her and her partner suffered from disabilities, and yet they both found their own unique way of keeping an active and fulfilling sex life. I was saddened to think that I had been tainted by society, the industry, and my own now seemingly insipid notions of women and sexuality. Making love to a woman is simply too complex to be explained in words, too boundless to hamper down with design, too versatile to attach explanation, and too profound to understand its depths. What’s your theory?
I really like this blog! My theory is that people are in denial that two women can actually love each other. They are uncomfortable therefore they belittle sex between two women. Thats what people do when they feel threatened.