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I have this awesome set of five arcade cards called Your Perfect Love Mate, describing the perfect woman, framed in my home. These cards were printed in 1941 and each one has a picture of a pretty girl and then a little paragraph underneath describing the attributes she should have. I figured I’d share them with you guys and see if you got as big a kick out of them as I have.

Card 1: Your ideal mate is ever ready to adapt herself to your needs; she has a quick word of sympathy, a ready smile, eager arms and lips; the realization that your life and hers must be adjusted to perfect harmony so that both should react in a similar way to any circumstance. She will be utterly and completely feminine – a sweet heart always.

Card 2: Your ideal mate is a good cook, an immaculate housekeeper; neat and cheerful. While she should not assume the masculine prerogative of “being the boss” she should be interested in her mate’s business or his job, and helpfully suggestive with ideas for his advancement. She should be an intelligent listener, and be sure that when she talks she says something.

Card 3: This charming lady as your ideal mate is one who adapts herself to your moods; one who knows how to be restful when you are tired, or gay and vivacious when you are full of energy. Your ideal offers you sympathy and loving words when things go wrong, and, of course, would never laugh at you if you were serious or worried.

Card 4: Your ideal mate has the kind of physical allure that is obviously suggestive. Her allure dawns slowly but irresistibly with acquaintance. She is well groomed and dainty; properly dressed as occasion demands and consistent with her husband’s income. She is tolerant and appreciative; enjoys all that is worthwhile. She speaks softly, smiles often and loves ardently.

Card 5: Your ideal mate will be considerate, unselfish, and unspoiled. She will have courage so that worries will not get her down, and just enough temper to keep perfect bliss from growing stale. She will be a pal, a charming hostess, an efficient, thrifty housekeeper, and one who looks for quality not quantity. With her dash of oomph and zip she will be super ideal.

Needless to say, this does not describe my ideal woman in any way, shape or form. Despite my chosen label of diesel dyke I do not want a femme woman. I wouldn’t know what to talk about. Give me another butch any day. what’s that nifty little saying I heard on the L word one time? I think it was butch in the streets and femme in the sheets. That’s me, big ol’ mechanic outside the house and just a overgrown kid who likes stuffed bunnies at home. Granted, the bunnies are atop a bunch of engine parts but hey, they’re bunnies none the less. Gotta love the irony of that.