Queer Butch Dyke Revisited

Jul
2008

If you haven’t read my partner’s entry about being a Queer Butch Dyke — you should.

I’ll wait.

Done? Good.

Well, now let me tell you a little about how that all unfolds on the part of a partner. Forgive me for the feminine pronouns.

I’m a lesbian.

Full-blown.

100%.

No questions. No doubts. No closets.

I love women. I love their softness. I love their curves. I love their smell. I love their taste. I love their cum. I love their voices. I love their power. I love their weakness. I love everything about a woman. The good, the bad AND the ugly.

More than that I love a butch dyke.

There’s just something about the masculinity of a butch that drives me absolutely batty. The chivalry. The care. The aggression. The strength. The “package” All the perks of a man without the useless dick. (I kid — it’s far more than that).

The point is a butch is the holy grail of the lesbian population.

At least to me.

I have never had gender identity issues. I’m a woman. I love being a woman. And I don’t love ever being mistaken for a man.

It’s something about myself I’ve never questioned.

So when Jess and I got together it wasn’t even something that I had thought much about — the questioning of our own gender identity.

But the more I got to know her the more I got to understand that gender isn’t this cut and dry thing. Our assignment at birth isn’t necessarily all there is to it.

I learned a lot about the trans community when I met Jess.

My thing is — I love both her feminine and her masculine side. They both are beautiful to me. They both are uniquely her own. Sexy. Raw. Handsome and vulnerable.

Last night I was laying in bed and she stood in the doorway talking to me and I was just taken back by how fucking sexy she is in all her masculine and feminine glory.

To me. She is perfect.

To herself, not so much. As you’ve read.

Sometimes it’s difficult to maneuver the “genderfucked” seas.

Sexually it’s pretty obvious which side of her is seeking attention at any particular time and therefore easy to adjust. Being as I love both sides, I don’t mind which one I “service”.

However — in the day-to-day it’s not always so easy. Sometimes she seems fine with being referred to — or even referring to herself in a feminine light.

Other times it seems like the kiss of death that sends her into an identity crisis.

So, I try to be careful what I say so as not to upset the genderqueer balance — but it’s not always easy. I wish for a moment I could transplant the perfection I see before me into her eyes. So she could see that which I adore so completely — the person that lays before me perfect in every way.

But, instead I just try to be supportive and not pay too much attention to the feminine parts when she’s hating them and continue to pray to whatever powers that be that she never decides to transition into being a man.

Because then I too will be genderfucked.

Tina-cious is also a member of the TLL Advice Panel.

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Author: Tina-cious.com
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Posted in Butch, Labels, Transgender, Transgendered

Comments

9 Responses to Queer Butch Dyke Revisited

Wow, you are a great girlfriend! That’s awesome that you are so supportive and understanding. I know it can be just as difficult for the partner as it is for the one bending gender, especially through periods of emotional change. I commend you for being sane and compassionate.

Honeys last blog post..!$title$!

by Honey on July 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm

Thanks Honeys… we’re actually married (aka civil unioned)!

It’s hard sometimes, yes… but I’d rather be here w/ her than not any day of the week.

by Tina-cious.com on July 25th, 2008 at 2:44 pm

You haven’t had these experiences yourself, but you remain so open-minded. That my darling, is something so mind-blowing to me that I am having a really tough time finding words to express my feelings here.

I know you love me “as is”. I hope you know how much it means to me to have you in my corner.

Jesss last blog post.."A World That Stands As One"

by Jess on July 25th, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Hey Tina — great post. Sounds like you and I have some common ground…

It’s tough sometimes to explain how I also love (love is an understatement) my partner’s masculinity/femininity and her unique take on the whole gender galaxy. A “butch dyke” definitely does it for me. But I also take a huge step back from the idea of transitioning — after a lot of self-reflection, I think I would have real problems staying in my relationship if my partner transitioned. And I must say it brings up a lot of issues for me — wouldn’t she be the same person inside? Why do I have a problem with it? What parts of it are tied up in my own identity, as a queer femme woman?

But I hear you about the genderqueer tightrope; sometimes all it takes to send my partner into the downward gender crisis spiral is a funny look from someone, or a comment taken the wrong way, and in those moments I’m reminded of how hard it is for her and how patient I need to be.

Thanks for this post!

freedomgirls last blog post..does she?

by freedomgirl on July 25th, 2008 at 3:18 pm

This was a really interesting take on gender, especially to see it from both sides. I think it’s quite a testament to your love that you accept the flexibility of gender in your partner. A really great book I read about this topic was “testosterone,” (and autobiography of a transman).

It makes me realize how fortunate I am to wake up every morning and know exactly what gender I am…and fortunate that it feels “natural” that I am in the body I have. I’m totally into women…but the thing that evolves as I do, is the realization that sometimes women come in many forms…and sometimes, just because they may appear like a woman, doesn’t mean that they are a woman at all. It’s more about how you feel than what your body looks like. There’s a wide and wonderful world out there…and people can be beautiful in any of diverse forms that gender comes in. You just have to be open enough to see beyond stereotypes.

Thank you for bringing up this topic…and for sharing your story.

Juls last blog post..Sad day.

by Jul on July 25th, 2008 at 4:37 pm

Like I said yesterday, you two are the cutest queer couple I know.

I, too, have struggled with gender and gender expression. I personally like being a butch lesbian, but I still sometimes push the envelope further than my wife would like. Like the time I shaved my head. She didn’t talk to me for two days.

Trust the process. You two will find your way together to a place that feels comfortable for both of you.

by Dharma Kelleher on July 25th, 2008 at 7:02 pm

Dear Tina & Jess,

At 55, as a six year-old lesbian, I have identified as “lipstick”, queer, dyke. Now single, I am soooooo attracted to gentle butches, but I have to say if I was butch, I’d woo Tina any day of the week!! And, Tina might have to defend her Jess from my desiring arms!! (gee, I’m straddling both sides of the “issue” now.)

I love reading both of your blogs and wish you both ever growing love.
Jan

by Jan on July 25th, 2008 at 7:42 pm

Thanks for telling your side - Jess is a studmuffin and you are one damned fine woman. I’m glad you have each other.

Loris last blog post..Aussies Lesbians Lose Suit Against Fertility Doctor

by Lori on July 25th, 2008 at 11:32 pm

Tina, both this post and Jess’s have really made me look upon one’s gender in a different manner. Dare I say I never gave it much thought up until now and I’m a bit embarrassed about that notion. Thank you for this post and allowing me more thought and understanding on the matter.

by goldstardyke on July 27th, 2008 at 12:54 pm