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Oh man — talk about taboo — my mom didn’t learn about sex until my FATHER told her.

Needless to say that and all body parts were off limits.

I’ve never my mother’s private parts… not even on accident.

It’s nuts.

Tina-cious.coms last blog post..Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up.

I agree that sex isn’t inherently dirty. It is a powerful experience that can result in all sorts of feelings from ecstasy to shame.

I think there are a number of factors at play. Certainly, there is a lot of carried-over guilt, particularly when more conservative religious beliefs are present or where in childhood.

But there is also the issue of privacy and invasions of privacy, which can often be mistaken for “feeling dirty” or actually morph into “feeling dirty”.

And then there is simply that mysterious level of maturity necessary to understand how to avoid potential negative consequences of sex (STDs, pregnancy, reputation as a slut, etc.) as well as how to sort out the subtle, yet powerful emotional dynamics of sex.

It sounds like you’re on the right track to dissecting your own “dirty” feelings about sex. Look at each feeling as it comes up (not necessarily RIGHT THAT second, if you happen to be in the throes of passion).

Ask yourself, “What is it that I’m feeling. What triggered this feeling? What in my past lead to this feeling? Does this feeling serve me now as an adult? Am I willing to let go of it?”

Trust the process.

Wow…you’ve had the “triple threat” – mom gets diary, gets caught masturbating, and with girl in seemingly compromising position. crazy luck, eh?

Anyway, one thing that has always stuck with me, is that “shame” is a learned emotion…and we don’t “learn” it until a certain age. Before that, we’re sticking our hands down our pants, and trying to run around naked…as it should be, in my humble opinion.

Juls last blog post..“Katy is not a homosexual,” so says her mom.

Yeah, generally, people in the States tend to be much more conservative about sex than here. In Europe religion is, for most people, a tradition that tells you when your holidays are, and nothing more. While in the States it’s something that has a great influence on one’s life (even if that one person is not religious) and the society and politics in general.

And yes, the “sex is dirty” idea is a religion thing. Christianity (and most of the other religions for that matter) have condemned sexuality to be “dirty”, “inappropriate”. It’s something bad, that you do because you’re a sinner and a bad person, and you have to hide from the others. Religion is great in making people feel guilty, isn’t it…

Thanks for all the good feedback. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. I promise I’m not jaded by the experiences I spoke of, just a little confused by the emotions they produced.

Fantastic post and question. I think it’s the secrecy of it all. If you can’t talk about it and you have to keep it secret – it must be bad/evil/dirty.

My Lovely Spouse and I have a 6 year old son and it would have been very easy to fall into the whisper, don’t talk about it mode with him. But we just jumped right in when he and the same age neighbor girl started getting interested about private parts.

When he was about 3 he told me that he was very interested in Suzie’s private parts and I said “well, that’s normal, even grownups are interested in private parts but kids, kids should be out having fun . . . he said, but Mommy – it is fun!”

We have a little game with him to encourage him to want to go to college. Anytime he wants to eat candy for breakfast, stay up late . . . we tell him, you can do that when you get to college. So one evening he and Suzie wanted to take a bath together and we told them that they were getting a little too old for that. He said, “Don’t worry Suzie, we can do that when we get to college.”

We’ve had lots of talks about private parts and intimacy and the emotions that go with intimacy but when we’ve tried to explain why it’s a bad idea for him and Suzie to do the private part thing, it really is a little hard to explain since he comes back with “but we’re the same age.” So finally I told him the truth. “Here is the truth. You will never get in trouble with Mommy for doing the private part thing because it’s a normal thing to want to do and it can be very fun but grown ups have found out that it’s something that you should wait to do until you’re a grown up and while Mom and Mommy won’t freak out if we find out you’re not able to resist the temptation – Suzie’s father will skin you alive because other parents are freaks about the issue just like your grandparents were.” We’ve explained sex changes, gay “bears,” tampons, drag queens . . . things I thought I would never be able to discuss with him and we found out . . . it really is no big deal. Of course, like all men, when I started to explain a tampon to him – he quickly got the glazed look on his face and excused himself from the conversation.

I’m so happy that he’s not going to grow up with the feeling that sex, intimacy, his body . . . are dirty in some way.

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I think it’s a shame when parents leave their children ignorant about their bodies and shamed by something so incredibly natural.
I have a seven-year-old daughter and she knows more about her body than most kids of her age. She knows what her vulva, clitoris, vagina, and labia are. She sees me unashamedly naked periodically. I make no big deal about it. When she has a question I address it. I think it’s important for parents to help their children form a healthy relationship with their bodies and sexualities.

Ok a bit late to the party…
But understand what you are saying here. I am from South Africa and it is just the same, people dont talk about sex in a hurry. It is really sad actually.

I am totally comfortable with who I am and my sexuality. But people be it hetrosexual, gay, lesbians, bisexuals… all are very shy about it.
Maybe it is a universal thing?