Comments on: TLL Q&A Advice Panel Installment #7 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2008/08/22/tll-qa-advice-panel-installment-7/ Wed, 17 Mar 2010 02:44:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: name Renee http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2008/08/22/tll-qa-advice-panel-installment-7/comment-page-1/#comment-3209 name Renee Sat, 30 Aug 2008 21:43:53 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=1237#comment-3209 That sounds like the same relationship that I had with my partner of 11 yrs.Her daughter cause alot of trouble between us.I dont know If she was jelous or just being a brat. She intentionally did thing to make me mad while her mom was working ...I cause alot of fighting between us bacause she alsays took her daughters side even if it wasent right..When she moved out for a year it was great then she came back and the crap started again Then my partner was diagnosed with cancer.I now live with alot of guile feeling about foghting with her because she died with the disagreements still going on.Try to talk calmly and if she dosent see what her daughter is doing........leave it alone unless you want to feel guilty if something happens to her...I loved her and wish i could start over......<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('3209','name Renee'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('3209','name Renee','That sounds like the same relationship that I had with my partner of 11 yrs.Her daughter cause alot of trouble between us.I dont know If she was jelous or just being a brat. She intentionally did thing to make me mad while her mom was working ...I cause alot of fighting between us bacause she alsays took her daughters side even if it wasent right..When she moved out for a year it was great then she came back and the crap started again\r\nThen my partner was diagnosed with cancer.I now live with alot of guile feeling about foghting with her because she died with the disagreements still going on.Try to talk calmly and if she dosent see what her daughter is doing........leave it alone unless you want to feel guilty if something happens to her...I loved her and wish i could start over......'); return false;">Quote</a></div> That sounds like the same relationship that I had with my partner of 11 yrs.Her daughter cause alot of trouble between us.I dont know If she was jelous or just being a brat. She intentionally did thing to make me mad while her mom was working …I cause alot of fighting between us bacause she alsays took her daughters side even if it wasent right..When she moved out for a year it was great then she came back and the crap started again
Then my partner was diagnosed with cancer.I now live with alot of guile feeling about foghting with her because she died with the disagreements still going on.Try to talk calmly and if she dosent see what her daughter is doing……..leave it alone unless you want to feel guilty if something happens to her…I loved her and wish i could start over……
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]]> By: swadyka http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2008/08/22/tll-qa-advice-panel-installment-7/comment-page-1/#comment-3173 swadyka Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:08:20 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=1237#comment-3173 my daughter is just about to turn twelve and i have been very lucky she is very understanding of my sexuality and dose not have a problem with me having a girlfriend my partner has been living with us for two years now and touch wood everything has gone fantastic up too now<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('3173','swadyka'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('3173','swadyka','my daughter is just about to turn twelve and i have been very lucky she is very understanding of my sexuality and dose not have a problem with me having a girlfriend my partner has been living with us for two years now and touch wood everything has gone fantastic up too now'); return false;">Quote</a></div> my daughter is just about to turn twelve and i have been very lucky she is very understanding of my sexuality and dose not have a problem with me having a girlfriend my partner has been living with us for two years now and touch wood everything has gone fantastic up too now
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]]> By: GG http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/2008/08/22/tll-qa-advice-panel-installment-7/comment-page-1/#comment-3165 GG Sat, 23 Aug 2008 13:29:35 +0000 http://thelesbianlifestyle.com/?p=1237#comment-3165 Boy, this sounds familiar! Because *I* am the mother with the "drama-queen" daughter. My wife is actually older than I am, but I have come to realize a lot of things since we got together 6 years ago. One is that my daughter and I approach things from TOTALLY different ways. Obviously, because we're 2 different people, right? But that's not so simple with the 2 are mother and daughter. Also, I like quiet, and harmony and always have, and my daughter seems ADDICTED to chaos. I just can't handle it. It's complicated because she has 2 kids who I adore. Now they are 8 and 6, and so I feel a little easier about them--they can speak for themselves, can call me on their own, etc., so I don't feel so worried about them all the time. But...I really had to work at setting boundaries with my daughter. With money especially because she is literally a black hole when it comes to money. Now I realize that I HAVE to think about my own future, along with my wife, us, as a couple, and my daughter (now 25) must take care of herself and her family. It was a hard boundary to set, and I still work on it, but it has made things a lot better--not only between my wife and me but also between my daughter and me because I think now she realizes that I do see her as an ADULT. Ultimately, all of this comes down to choices. Not so much as in an ultimatum, i.e. "choose" your daughter or choose me, but the choice of how do I want to live? Do I want to be constantly worried and involved in someone's life who just uses me and in drama that makes me crazy or do I want to pull back, let her lead HER life and me lead mine? Your GF has some hard choices to make, and so do you. Like Tina said, you have to put it on the table, not as an ultimatum, but just let her know that you can only take so much, and then, regardless of how much you love her, you will have to choose your own sanity and peace, and make the right decisions for you--which MIGHT include moving on from the relationship. Then it will be up to her to decide if she wants to keep on with the familiar ways or do the hard work of cutting those apron strings. I wish you both a lot of luck!! GG<div class="comment-remix-meta"><a href="#" class="replyto" onclick="replyto('3165','GG'); return false;">Reply</a> - <a href="#" class="quote" onclick="quote('3165','GG','Boy, this sounds familiar! Because *I* am the mother with the \"drama-queen\" daughter. My wife is actually older than I am, but I have come to realize a lot of things since we got together 6 years ago. One is that my daughter and I approach things from TOTALLY different ways. Obviously, because we\'re 2 different people, right? But that\'s not so simple with the 2 are mother and daughter. Also, I like quiet, and harmony and always have, and my daughter seems ADDICTED to chaos. I just can\'t handle it. It\'s complicated because she has 2 kids who I adore. Now they are 8 and 6, and so I feel a little easier about them--they can speak for themselves, can call me on their own, etc., so I don\'t feel so worried about them all the time.\r\n\r\nBut...I really had to work at setting boundaries with my daughter. With money especially because she is literally a black hole when it comes to money. Now I realize that I HAVE to think about my own future, along with my wife, us, as a couple, and my daughter (now 25) must take care of herself and her family. It was a hard boundary to set, and I still work on it, but it has made things a lot better--not only between my wife and me but also between my daughter and me because I think now she realizes that I do see her as an ADULT.\r\n\r\nUltimately, all of this comes down to choices. Not so much as in an ultimatum, i.e. \"choose\" your daughter or choose me, but the choice of how do I want to live? Do I want to be constantly worried and involved in someone\'s life who just uses me and in drama that makes me crazy or do I want to pull back, let her lead HER life and me lead mine? Your GF has some hard choices to make, and so do you. Like Tina said, you have to put it on the table, not as an ultimatum, but just let her know that you can only take so much, and then, regardless of how much you love her, you will have to choose your own sanity and peace, and make the right decisions for you--which MIGHT include moving on from the relationship. Then it will be up to her to decide if she wants to keep on with the familiar ways or do the hard work of cutting those apron strings.\r\n\r\nI wish you both a lot of luck!!\r\n\r\nGG'); return false;">Quote</a></div> Boy, this sounds familiar! Because *I* am the mother with the “drama-queen” daughter. My wife is actually older than I am, but I have come to realize a lot of things since we got together 6 years ago. One is that my daughter and I approach things from TOTALLY different ways. Obviously, because we’re 2 different people, right? But that’s not so simple with the 2 are mother and daughter. Also, I like quiet, and harmony and always have, and my daughter seems ADDICTED to chaos. I just can’t handle it. It’s complicated because she has 2 kids who I adore. Now they are 8 and 6, and so I feel a little easier about them–they can speak for themselves, can call me on their own, etc., so I don’t feel so worried about them all the time.

But…I really had to work at setting boundaries with my daughter. With money especially because she is literally a black hole when it comes to money. Now I realize that I HAVE to think about my own future, along with my wife, us, as a couple, and my daughter (now 25) must take care of herself and her family. It was a hard boundary to set, and I still work on it, but it has made things a lot better–not only between my wife and me but also between my daughter and me because I think now she realizes that I do see her as an ADULT.

Ultimately, all of this comes down to choices. Not so much as in an ultimatum, i.e. “choose” your daughter or choose me, but the choice of how do I want to live? Do I want to be constantly worried and involved in someone’s life who just uses me and in drama that makes me crazy or do I want to pull back, let her lead HER life and me lead mine? Your GF has some hard choices to make, and so do you. Like Tina said, you have to put it on the table, not as an ultimatum, but just let her know that you can only take so much, and then, regardless of how much you love her, you will have to choose your own sanity and peace, and make the right decisions for you–which MIGHT include moving on from the relationship. Then it will be up to her to decide if she wants to keep on with the familiar ways or do the hard work of cutting those apron strings.

I wish you both a lot of luck!!

GG

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