MAJOR CONFUSION

Sep
2008

This is SO BLOODY irritating!

I “accept” myself, and then something happens, and just ERG.

I don’t even bloody know who I am! This is so annoying…

Okay. I thought I was a lesbian. I like reading lesbian erotica, and I like watching other women *do stuff*. But…when it comes to guys, I guess I’m just picky?

Okay. So. I’ve been questioning my sexuality since my Nana died(I was twelve, and I’m now 18). Lately, I’ve had the sneaking suspicion that since I saw her as my MOTHER, and not my GRANDmother, I’ve been trying to find others like her?

Well, anyways. It’s just, sometimes I wonder what it’d be like to BE with a woman, and then I remember the first time my friend “showed me” how two people make love. (I was eight, she was twelve.) She said, “I’ll be the guy, and you be the girl; that way you know what to do.” I never once thought about HER; just picturing some guy. I even had these wild sex dreams after that. (Crazy-big men, with a woman[my ideal future self, haha]tied to the wall…haha, kinky~!)

So, am I really a lesbian? -_- I hate not knowing, and I hate being confused.

I’ve been with guys before. I’ve “fooled around”, and I’ve fallen in love a few times. I’ve fooled around with girls before, but never fell in love with them. (It’s so hard to pleasure a woman! But sometimes fun.)

I just don’t know.

I’d really like some advice here.

Thanks.

9 - 2 - 08

Thanks so much you guys! ^_^ You all have helped big time. :]

You’re right; people change over time, and that’s okay. Inconsistency isn’t a bad thing–in fact it would be odd if I was the same person all the time!–and it’s cool.

And looking to the past does no good for the present and future; it only confuses it[me] further.

Thanks. <3

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Author: Tabby
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Posted in Advice, Bisexual, Lesbian, Relationships, Sexuality, Women, Your Personal Blog

Comments

6 Responses to MAJOR CONFUSION

Don’t get hung up on labels. And don’t drive yourself crazy over-analyzing your sex dreams or fantasies. Just get to know yourself. Pay attention to what you’re attracted to. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.

Believe me, I know about being confused. I’ve lived as a straight man, a gay man, a straight woman, a gay woman, a femme, a butch, and genderqueer. And through all of that exploration, I managed to find a wonderful and lasting relationship (10+ years and going strong).

Learn to love yourself and love others and you will naturally find what you’re looking for, even if you don’t know what that is at the moment.

Trust the process.

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by Dharma Kelleher on September 2nd, 2008 at 12:30 am

It’s never quick or easy to figure out who you are, it takes time (sometimes a lot!) and on top of the we’ll all change over years too

Relax and don’t worry about labelling yourself, because one day you might just have to re-label anyway Take care x

Sabs last blog post..Bird City

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by Sab on September 2nd, 2008 at 5:26 am

I would try to stop thinking about it and just follow my heart. It’s gotten me in trouble at times, but I never had any regrets.

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by goldstardyke on September 2nd, 2008 at 11:58 am

I don’t know how productive it is to look at the past for answers. And as for sex dreams…I’ve had dreams where I was eaten by a polar bear which I don’t think meant anything at all.

I’m not sure it really matters why things are the way they are…I’d just start from where you’re at and go from there. Who are you attracted to?

…and if you think it is “hard” pleasuring a woman…you might be right. Compared to laying on your back and waiting 2 minutes, it is a bit more activity required.

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by Jul on September 2nd, 2008 at 1:10 pm

I think you just need to give yourself time to grow in to who you are. If you don’t know at 18, that’s still okay. It takes time–different lengths of time for different people–to understand your own sexuality and then, sometimes, you find out later that it’s not as clean cut as you thought. Trust yourself and give yourself time to figure things out.

In the end, you like what you like. Listen to that, and understand that sexuality lies on a continuum and isn’t always just gay or straight. Good luck with everything.

Laurens last blog post..Sarah Palin? Honestly?

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by Lauren on September 2nd, 2008 at 6:48 pm