thelesbianlifestyle.com

Do you ever get tired of fighting for who you love? It seems as if the gay community has had to do so since the beginning of time. Many of us have had to fight with our parents, when it’s election time we have to fight to hope the vote goes our way, and internally we have to fight to be who we are in our hearts. I’ve never been able to understand why people condemn others due to love. To me, love is the last magic left on Earth. We cannot choose who we fall in love with, nor can we decide when we will fall out of love. It’s about chemicals and emotions that there aren’t even words for.

I am a lesbian, but I didn’t know that when I was five and had a crush on a girl. All I knew back then was that this feeling made me feel alive. When I was fourteen I fell in love for the first time. It felt like I was more alive than I have ever been. I wanted to be with this girl all hours of the day and be there for her whenever she needed me. I wanted to hold her, watch movies with her, and kiss her goodnight. When she cried I cried, when she was happy so was I, and when she had to hide her love for me I knew I had to do the same in return. The hardest thing to hide is love. As a teen I wanted to climb to the top of something and scream it out to the world. Instead I had to deflect rumors and watch her go to school dances without me. It takes its toll, the firght for love, but there is nothing in the world more worth the stress, scars, and struggle.

Many of us find comfort in creating our own worlds. We surround ourselves with people just like us. Once I became an adult I submerged myself into the local lesbian community. It would take a few years, but I learned it wasn’t for me. Once again I found myself fighting to figure out who I was. I had come out to all of my family and friends and I was still the same old Kelly. There was no love loss, not stuggle, I was finally free to love out loud. Till this day I have never had a negative experience regarding my sexuality. I recently came out to a few coworkers and they continue to laugh at my jokes and come over for the parties I throw. But I know it’s not like this for everyone.

I loath the fact that we have to fight to love. For the gay community the most beautiful thing in the world many times turns into a religious and moral war. Can’t those people we fight see that all we want is to love. That all we want is to feel alive, be held at night, and share the rest of our lives with someone that makes us smile each time we think about them. It would be easy for me to stop the fight. My bubble is filled with those that love me for all that I am. But I have to keep on fighting for those that can only look at my world from the outside in. I have to continue to fight for laws and rights and because I deserve love just as much as every other person born unto this world. If I fight for nothing else I will fight for love.

This year I encourage all of you to fight. You can do this by voting, donating to GLBT organizations, or just by being who you are in front of the world. It’s easy to throw our hands in the air and segregate ourselves from those that both hate and fear us for who we love. But if not for love there would be no fight at all.

Thank you for listening.