Name: Do I need to worry?
Age: 42
Location: NA

Hey Girls, I have a bit of a relationship issue with a girlfriend who happens to be married. she knows that I have a thing for girls and has been hitting on me for some time now. She is totally sexy, femme and someone that I would love to have fun with. But am I wrong in doing that? I mean, if she thinks it’s ok, do you think I need to worry?

Read the TLL Advice Panelists answers after the jump…

Tina-cious

Don’t do it.  Karma’s a b!tch.
 
Truly,
Tina-cious

Dharma Kelleher

Dear Worried,

Be afraid. Be very afraid. In fact, run like hell!

Whether straight or gay, getting involved with a married person is always, always, ALWAYS a bad move. It will always end badly. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that somehow you’re an exception to the rule. Whether she is truly gay or just experimenting, you don’t want to be involved in all of that drama.

I speak from experience here. Don’t get sucked into the lure of the forbidden. You will only get your heart ripped out or worse your friend’s husband could get violent if he finds out. Some guys (not all) get a little psycho when their wives fool around on them. Save yourself the heartbreak and the possible trip to the E.R.

If she gets flirty, set a boundary. Tell her, “You’re my friend and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” or “I don’t get involved with people who are in a relationship with someone else.”

Also, you should read the post on TLL about “why I don’t want to be your first girlfriend”. Good lessons there!

Now go home and write 100 times, “I will not date people in a relationship with someone else.”

Peace out,
Dharma Kelleher
www.dharmakelleher.com

Kelly Leszczynski

Worried,

Lets say you fall in love with this woman. Let’s say she leaves her husband for you, you start a family, and you plan on living happily ever after. Would you want someone else writing into TLL asking this same question about the woman you love?

Kelly

Shanna Katz

Hey Worried!

Firstly, are you certain she’s flirting with you? Is it possible that you’re just good friends, and she’d being sweet and friendly, and you might be misinterpreting it because you like her?  I know I’ve done that before – it’s hard to differentiate between good friends and flirting friends.

But let’s say she is flirting.  Is her marriage open? Ask her! Communicate!  If she’s in an open relationship, maybe she really is interested in getting together with you, and this is her way of asking.  Or maybe it’s not open, and she likes you, and wants to flirt, but that’s as far as it can go.  Maybe she thinks she likes women too, so she’s flirting to try things out.  It could be an endless list of possibilities and you just need to ask her to find out what is really going on.  Remember, communication is key! Don’t assume – it could lead to a world of hurt and frustration for both of you.  And if she is trying to get it on with you behind her husband’s back…I suggest politely backing away slowly, or making it clear that you’re not interested. That is a whole boat load of drama that you do not want.

Best of luck!

Shanna
www.ShannaKatz.com

Lori Hahn

Dear Worried,
 
Yes, worry.  First of all, know that your berth is way, way, way below decks.  Your position in this little situation is the one that is going to suffer most from this.  Can you say TITANIC?  Married, whether to a man or a woman, is married.  I don’t think you would have written if you had any question about whether it’s right or wrong.  Whether she wants you or not – whether she wants to take any kind of marital commitment seriously or not – you have to decide what kind of person you want to be in this.  You could take the high ground and walk away or even tell her that if she’s free sometime in the future to look you up.  There is plenty of fun to be had elsewhere – go find it.
 
Lori
Hahn at Home

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