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With all the goodness (or should I say badness?) of politics lately, it’s easy for a loud little political kid such as myself to become so entranced in the madness that I lose my ability to remain socially competent. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened either.

I hang out with a weird bunch of friends. I mean, I like them, but other people might find them strange. We’re the intellectual kids who can barely tie our shoes correctly in the morning, but still manage to hold heated political conversations dripping with controversial facts at lunch in between English. They happen everyday.

Today was not a good day for my poor republican friends.

As I walked into the cafeteria, I made eye contact with my favorite debate partner at the table. She smiled knowingly a devilish little grin, and as I reached the table, she turned to the poor conservative Bible thumper to her side and said, “Sorry Haley, but you’re not gonna like the conversation at lunch today.” I cackled and sat down with an exaggerated air, trying to figure out where in the hell I would start my analysis of the Palin/Biden debates. It’s like the best candy in the world, talking politics with my friends.

HOWEVER!

I mentioned how easy it is to lose social constraints in the midst of political arguments. Well, I’ve hit that point and perhaps even surpassed it, so I’m beginning the process of reeling myself in. This means I have to limit my discussion of politics. Imagine how hard it was today when three of my teachers, knowing full well that I was just itching to debate the debate, asked me what I thought of both the candidates. It was maddening to have to censor myself.

Because of my little challenge, I’ll only give you a GLIMPSE of our conversation: the part that relates to my life as an underage lesbian [isn't that a funny little plug?].

There’s this poor ignorant child who sits at the other end of the table. We’ll call him Jr., 1) because his father was my Algebra teacher and it’s clear that all his facts come from the man, and 2) he’s basically George W. Bush Jr.

Jr. decides that he has something of intelligence to add to our conversation about the candidates’ responses to the gay marriage question. I just know from the look of things that I’m gonna blow my cap. Remember? Socially inept?

So Jr. spouts off about “fags being the reason the divorce rate is so high” [that's a new one] and that gays don’t deserve any rights or protections at all. Everyone shifts in their seat a little, I’m sure because they foresee the storm brewing. But I keep my cool and address his unintelligent, completely nonsensical, unfortunate comment with calm words.

I share with him my favorite quote by Jennifer Beals:

“Love is by definition sacred. Not some love between some people, but all love between all people.”

I follow my emotional appeal with a little logic, stating that there really is no “definition” of marriage in the Constitution and that, therefore, the argument that allowing homosexuals to marry will undermine the definition of marriage is absurd. I ask him if he believes, in his minuscule little mind, that everyone is entitled to job security. When he responds that he believes they do, I ask him if he’s ever heard of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, or perhaps the Hate Crimes bill. I inform him that his opinion, and even that of his father’s, doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things because the federal government seems to take a different stance.

He takes a bite of his burger and blushes.

You just got told by a gay girl, Jr. That’s a bad day.

I need a posse so that we can all fly around high school in gay super-suits, saving the world from bigotry, one provincial minded bastard at a time.