thelesbianlifestyle.com

Dear MySpace,

In today’s technological world you are almost a must. I need you to keep up with friends, blog about my woes, and make sure I know when every single band I like is going on tour. Over the years you have gotten to know so much about me. You know all my top friends, the music I am currently listening to, and where I went to high school. I feel inadequate when it comes to what I know about you.

What I do know is that I have always been honest with you, even when it comes to my weight. When I chose the “more to love” option I thought it was a wonderfully delicate way to say fat. I commended you for it, I even found it endearing. But you’ve exploited my honesty MySpace. You have taken my private stats and sold them to your advertisers. Every time I log on to you now I am reminded that I need to diet. My screen is constantly cluttered with weight loss ads. Were you lying to me MySpace? Do you not believe that I have more to love? Are you trying to tell me something? Over and over and over again?

I know that I’m not perfect. I don’t log in every day and I’m not really big on Mafia Wars or endless hours of Bejewled. I have randomized my friends instead of taking the time to pick my top 8. Sometimes I’ve even gone three days without updating my status.

I am sorry. I truly am. But must you continue to make me feel like a giant monster. Could you not pull from my yearly income and let me see ads for Walmart or Welfare. Perhaps check out my sexual preference and show me realistic photos of real lesbian dating sites. Maybe even take a look at my mood and direct me to a good therapist in my area.

Friends don’t constantly tell friends to lose weight MySpace. Half of these ads are bullshit and are just going to fuck up all the 13 year old girls who are already pondering throwing up their macaroni and cheese. They may be naive enough to believe the girl on the far left of this picture is the same girl on the far right. Same on you Myspace. Shame on you.

I know you won’t give this too much thought. I’m sure your pockets are fat with the funds rendered from all of these ads. It’s just that I needed to get this off my chest. I needed to tell you to switch it up a bit for the love of God. I know I’m over weight, morbidly obese, and knocking on deaths door. But when I’m drowning myself in social networking that’s the last thing I want to think about. Nor do I want to lose as much weight as fast as most of these ads claim I can lose it. It’s unhealthy, just like the reminder you give me about how imperfect I am every time I log in.

I thought I was more to love
I know now I’m just more to get rid of,

Kelly